The holiday season is often synonymous with joy, family gatherings, and festive cheer, but beneath the surface of tinsel and mistletoe lies a hidden toll on mental health that many are too ashamed to discuss.
As the world embraces the merriment of Christmas, there is a growing, largely unspoken reality that the season’s expectations—joyous as they may seem—come with significant emotional and psychological strain for many people.
The pressure to be happy: A silent burden
Christmas is marketed as a time of perfection. The images of families laughing together, the beautifully decorated homes, and the “ideal” Christmas dinner create an impossible standard.
But the pressure to conform to these pictures of happiness can be suffocating, particularly for those struggling with depression, anxiety, or other mental health challenges.
In a Channel News Asia report, Ms Glenn Woo, a professional counsellor at the Singapore-based therapy platform Talk Your Heart Out, explained:
“Family or social gatherings may not always bring about the warm, comforting feelings that people typically associate with such events.
They can become a significant source of stress, especially when one is pressured to interact with family or friends with whom they’ve had negative experiences.”
In the same article, Ms Liew Shi Min, director and clinical psychologist at Heartscape Psychology, further said that for individuals who value personal time, the increase in social gatherings requires more mental and emotional effort, which can be exhausting.
Social media exacerbates this phenomenon, presenting curated snapshots of seemingly perfect holiday moments far removed from reality.
People who feel left out or who experience grief, loneliness, or stress during the holidays often suffer in silence, believing they are the only ones who aren’t feeling the “Christmas cheer.”
This creates a cycle of shame, where individuals may feel isolated in their emotions while everyone around them appears to be living their best lives.
Loneliness in a season of togetherness
While Christmas is often marketed as a family-centric time, it is also a period where loneliness peaks for many. For those who have lost loved ones, who have broken families, or who suffer from social isolation, the emphasis on togetherness can feel like a reminder of what they don’t have.
Featured in a Straits Times article, two patients shared their grief instead of joy during the holiday seasons:
One patient confided how Christmas, once her favorite time of year, had become a “painful reminder of loss” following her father’s death. The empty seats at the dinner table and the memories of past celebrations made the season feel more like something to survive than to enjoy.
Another patient spoke of his loneliness on New Year’s Eve: “I see everyone celebrating, but for me, it’s a constant reminder that I’ve lost my wife forever.”
The stark contrast between the world’s collective celebration and an individual’s experience of emptiness can lead to feelings of alienation and despair.
Financial strain — the hidden stressor
Behind the glittering gifts and lavish dinners is the reality of financial strain that weighs heavily on many people during the holiday season.
The pressure to purchase expensive presents, decorate the house, and host family meals can be overwhelming for those already struggling with their finances.
Recent research from the University of Skövde, published by Phys.org, reveals that financial anxiety and stress can lead to compulsive and impulsive buying behaviors.
“During the holiday season, financial anxiety is often heightened by increased consumption expectations. This can result in more impulsive purchases as a way to temporarily alleviate stress, which can create a harmful cycle where financial pressures lead to even more impulsive spending,” says Jalal Ahamed, a university lecturer in business administration.
The holiday season presents significant challenges for many as stress and consumption pressures escalate. Impulse buying is just one of the negative outcomes of financial anxiety, which also affects mental health, relationships, and overall well-being.
“It damages family relationships and health while eroding social bonds and often leading to greater isolation,” Ahamed added.
The financial strain is compounded by the societal expectation to give, leading many to stretch their budgets beyond reasonable limits. For some, the stress of keeping up with these demands becomes a source of anxiety and panic.
This financial pressure is often invisible to outsiders, creating a sense of isolation for those unable to live up to the perceived standards of generosity and festivity.
How we can do better
If we are to alleviate the hidden toll that Christmas cheer takes on mental health, we must start by rethinking how we approach the holiday season.
Here are several ways we can create a more inclusive and supportive holiday environment:
Shift the focus to meaningful connection
Instead of emphasizing material gifts and outward appearances, the holidays should prioritize emotional connections and shared experiences.
For many, simply being present and spending time with loved ones is more valuable than expensive presents or elaborate celebrations. Let’s encourage gatherings where people can openly express their feelings, share their struggles, and offer genuine support.
Normalize vulnerability
We need to create a culture where it’s okay to not be okay during the holidays. The “perfect” holiday myth should be debunked, and vulnerability should be embraced.
Sharing our mental health challenges with friends and family can help break down the stigma and create a more compassionate environment where individuals feel safe to be themselves.
Set realistic expectations
Let’s challenge the notion that Christmas must be perfect. The holidays should be about what feels right for each individual and family, not meeting societal expectations.
This means allowing ourselves and others the grace to scale back on traditions or opt out of certain activities that feel overwhelming. Setting boundaries and being honest about what’s feasible can go a long way in reducing stress.
Encourage mental health awareness
We must make mental health a more prominent part of the holiday conversation.
This can be as simple as asking someone how they’re feeling, offering mental health resources, or creating spaces where people can openly discuss their mental health without fear of judgment.
By incorporating mental health care into our holiday routines, we can ensure that the season is inclusive and supportive of everyone, regardless of their emotional state.
Call for a more mindful Christmas
While Christmas is undoubtedly a time of joy for many, it is essential to recognize that it can also be a period of hidden pain for others. As a society, we must peel back the façade of holiday cheer and acknowledge the emotional toll that the season can take on mental health.
By fostering a more inclusive, compassionate, and authentic approach to Christmas, we can ensure that the holiday season becomes a time of healing and connection for all, not just a select few.
It’s time to crack the holiday mask and make Christmas truly about what truly matters — real connection, support, and understanding.