SINGAPORE: After noticing that many of her peers are ‘getting attached’ and applying for BTOs, one Singaporean woman opened up about the pressure she feels to follow suit.
“I am feeling so pressured to be attached,” she wrote on the r/askSingapore forum on Monday (Feb 3). “My mother kept hinting me to find a partner and asked me how many of my peers had gotten their BTO already. I cried by myself immediately after that question.”
In her post, she also reflected on why she has been hesitant to enter a serious relationship. Growing up, she never witnessed a healthy relationship between her parents, which affected her perception of love and commitment. She added, “I have had past relationships, but I ignored the red flags because they were normalised at home, which caused me to get hurt.”
Beyond her personal struggles, she pointed out a much bigger issue regarding how Singapore’s BTO system adds unnecessary pressure on young couples. “I have witnessed many people breaking up right before marriage after a long-term relationship or staying in an unhappy relationship due to BTO,” she said.
“I think the system for BTO in Singapore is causing many relationships to fail and making me feel more pressured to get in a relationship soon, although I am not ready for it,” she continued.
Although she does want to experience genuine love and companionship, the woman confessed that the practical need for housing weighs on her much more. “I truly feel lost and upset,” she expressed.
“You can still buy BTO at 35 if you are still single…”
In the discussion thread, many Singaporean Redditors offered her words of comfort, with some saying that it’s perfectly okay for her to take her time and focus on personal growth rather than rushing into something for the sake of housing or societal expectations.
One Redditor said, “Don’t date with the thinking of buying BTO. You can still buy BTO at 35 if you are still single. Nonetheless, I recommend you go out and date. See if you find someone. If not, there’s nothing wrong with being single as well.”
Another reminded her, “The pain of marrying the wrong person is far worse than your current fear of not getting married before 30. Take note of this.”
A third shared, “I’m in my late 30s and bought myself a resale. I’d rather be happily single than be in a relationship just to suit society’s norms. Ignore others; live your life at your own pace!!!”
Others, meanwhile, shared their own experiences and the lessons they’ve learned along the way. One Redditor commented, “As someone who got married under pressure to someone whom I didn’t think was really the right person for me, please don’t do it. Tying BTOs to marriage is honestly a really flawed system, and the ensuing problems are massive.”
Another wrote, “I rushed into marriage with my ex-partner to get public housing and the so-called Singaporean dream. Going through a separation right now. Choosing your life partner is one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make in your life.
Your life trajectory would be largely influenced by this choice. Don’t let the pressures of BTO and Singapore public housing system overlook the key foundation of choosing a life companion.”
In other news, a 31-year-old man shared on social media that dating in his 30s feels more like going through a job interview than getting to know someone.
“I hate first dates that feel like a job interview,” he said. “Like they move into deep conversations like income, kids, BTO, blah blah right off the bat. I feel like they’re judging me on the capacity to provide.”
Featured image by Depositphotos (for illustration purposes only)