SINGAPORE: Singapore’s fertility rate has dropped below 1.0, and despite the government’s efforts to reverse this trend with a range of attractive incentives—including the Baby Bonus Cash worth up to S$13,000 and extended paternity leave—many locals are still on the fence or outright rejecting the idea of having kids.

In an online forum, some locals have been pretty vocal about why. Commonly cited factors include a lack of parental instinct, concerns about unstable career prospects, and the high cost of living.

Zero parental instinct

In the past, starting a family was almost a given—everyone had it on their to-do list. Whether it was for extra help with the family business, passing on the family name, finding a sense of purpose, fitting into the community, or securing care for old age, having children was simply part of life’s blueprint.

Today, however, the decision to start a family is far from straightforward. People now have options and are no longer worried about being shunned by society for choosing ‘the road not taken.’

Rather than being a social obligation, having kids has now become a personal decision. And one of the factors these young people consider is whether they have that ‘parental instinct.’

For those who feel they lack it, they’ve decided not to have kids at all. One Singaporean, for example, was candid about her feelings, saying she finds children rather annoying.

She said, “I don’t like kids. I find them obnoxious, sticky, smelly, and gross. I hate children’s tv shows/nursery rhymes. The smell of baby formula makes me gag. I’m terrified of pregnancy and childbirth. Women suffer all manner of horrific side effects up to and including death, even in our modern day and age.”

Another shared, “Zero parental instinct, don’t find kids cute or endearing, and don’t think it’s responsible to be putting the burden of my mental health issues on a child, because I can barely take care of myself as it stands lol.”

A few individuals also explained that their lack of parental instinct stems from the trauma they endured during their own childhood. For them, the idea of having children brings up painful memories of their past experiences with their parents, making them hesitant to repeat the cycle.

One individual said, “Have an extremely unstable relationship with my mum since I was a kid, so I feel that I grew up without maternal love hence I find it hard to have maternal instincts.”

Another commented, “My husband and I both had extremely abusive parents. I can’t be confident to say if I had a child I’d love them flaws and all. The kindest thing I can do is just not have a child and subject them to the same harsh environment I grew up in.”

Unstable careers and lack of job security

Some Singaporeans are also skipping parenthood, not because they think kids are a nuisance but because they’re seriously worried about job security. They’re anxious about the possibility of losing their jobs and the stress of figuring out how to feed their kids if things go south.

One individual explained, “Times have changed such that now instability is very part of life, for example just the sole factor of stable employment has degenerated so much till it is now seen as common that one can come into work and next thing, told to pack and go because company wants to cut costs through retrenchment.”

“If the adults can’t even feel confident that they can take care of themselves, how are they going to be confident of caring for someone else from young?”

Some women added that they are ambivalent about having kids because they know they’ll likely end up shouldering most of the parenting responsibilities, even if their partners promise a 50/50 split. They fear that this imbalance will eventually clip their chances of excelling in their own careers.

One individual stated, “Motherhood is jail for woman.” Another said, “I want to grow my career and I don’t want to sacrifice that.”

High cost of living

Many are also stressing over the ever-climbing cost of living. With costs going through the roof, they’re terrified they won’t be able to give their future kids a decent life, and might end up making things even tougher for them.

One Singaporean mum said, “Spouse and I make enough money (above the median- and slightly above national average), but to us, it’s not nearly enough to give a child in Singapore a good shot at success.

Sure, we can well afford a run-of-the-mill experience: MFS instead of Mulberry, a neighbourhood primary school instead of moving to within 1km of a good school, a local university education instead of an overseas college and its attendant living costs. But what if my child wants to pursue music? Can I afford good music teachers? Can I afford to send them to Berklee?”

Another expressed, “Still not stable in life (job-hunting now) and worry that I won’t be able to give kids a good life. Tied to this point, worried about cost of living. Can’t even support myself still have what kids!?”

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