‘She wanted to show us off’: Singapore man says mother pressured children to succeed despite little support
Elderly woman
SINGAPORE: A young Singaporean has shared how his mother, who he said never achieved the educational and career milestones she had hoped for, placed considerable pressure on him and his siblings to succeed so she could take pride in showing off their accomplishments to others.
Posting on the r/singaporespeaks subreddit on Wednesday (Nov 11), the man recounted how his mother never attended university and eventually left her job at “his father's insistence.” He also claimed that she had only about “S$1,000 in her Central Provident Fund (CPF) savings” and remained in her marriage despite his father's infidelity.
“She chose to stay with my dad even though he cheated on her. My dad died, but her life was left with mental scars,” he continued. “She wanted me and my siblings to achieve greatness in university so she can show us off to people.”
Despite wanting him to achieve great things, the man said he never received any support from his mother, even when he was struggling with mental health issues and ADHD. As a result, when he eventually landed his dream job, he chose not to share the news with her and instead decided to cut ties with her.
“When I told my mom I needed therapy [in the past] and to get diagnosed, she said no,” he recalled. “When I held her accountable for prioritising her needs to be able to show off her hardworking children to others over my own needs so I could do well in school like she wanted, she temporarily changed but quickly went back to her ways. I did badly in school and said I will take temporary jobs or PT jobs, and she got mad (I took them anyways). I now pay for my own ADHD treatments after asking my colleagues to help me.“
‘She tried to pave a better future for you’
In the comments, several users urged him to see things from his mother’s point of view.
One said, “Your parents are not… perfect. They’re still human. Sure they do have expectations, but that’s shaped by their own experiences. End of the day, they are trying their best. Like all of us. To hold it over your mum, who’s shaped by her own experiences, is a sign of immaturity.”
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Another commenter suggested the pressure may have come from a good place, writing: “She probably pushed you so that you can lead a better life than her.”
A third highlighted the sacrifices some stay-at-home mothers make: “Most stay-at-home mums had no choice but to close their eyes when husbands cheated because they spent a big chunk of their lives looking after the family. When a woman spends the golden time to look after the baby till P1, her golden 6 years and more are gone, including pregnancies. Appreciate that she has to go through her own pain and still try to pave a better future for you.”/TISG