Singapore mum says son’s mental health has worsened during NS, urges people not to dismiss struggling NSFs
Asian mum waiting for her son's call
SINGAPORE: A mother has shared her concerns over how National Service (NS) has affected her 19-year-old son, saying he cries almost every day during their phone calls and has become a very different person since enlisting.
Her post comes after news emerged last month that a full-time national serviceman (NSF) was pronounced dead in hospital after being found unconscious at the foot of a building at Pulau Tekong.
In her post, the mother said the transition into NS had been particularly difficult for her son, adding that not every young man is mentally or emotionally prepared for the experience.
“It has not been easy for him. People need to understand that not every boy is the same. Not every young man is mentally or emotionally prepared for this transition. My son cries almost every day when he calls me,” she wrote.
The mother revealed that her son had only recently opened up about his emotional struggles, which had reportedly begun as far back as secondary school.
A few days before returning home, he finally admitted that he had been struggling silently for years.
He is now attending counselling at the CareHub Centre in Tekong and has been given five days of medical leave.
“As a mother, imagine how heartbreaking it is to receive a text from your own son saying, ‘Mie, Abg tired.’ He even said, ‘Die better.’”
“He hardly eats, doesn't want to talk to us, and is constantly angry with himself. He is simply not the same boy I know.”
She then urged anyone who labels these young men as weak to “please think twice,” as they have no idea what battles they are fighting behind closed doors. “Some boys may cope well with NS, while others struggle deeply. That does not make them weak. They are someone's sons.”
“They are someone's whole world. Mental health is not a weakness. Asking for help is not a weakness. And no mother should have to live in fear of losing her child. Please have more compassion before judging.”
‘I don't think NS is the problem…’
Her story was later reposted on r/nsraw and r/singaporespeaks, where it drew over 765 upvotes and 378 comments.
In the replies, one user said, “NS is just a trigger that brings it up to the surface. Even without NS, there will be some other trigger in the future. Singapore is a pressure cooker society. It’s insane how we pile pressure on our kids since they're young with tuition, after-school classes, and PSLE streaming. It’s like a production line, and kids who cannot be cookie-cutter products are treated as 'defective.' It’s so sad to hear stories like that.”
Another user wrote, “Not trying to be insensitive, but if your kid has been having emotional problems since secondary school, why didn't you notice it until NS? There should already be warning signs prior to that.”
A third added, “I don't think NS is the problem... The school system is the problem. They enable bullies by just giving them a slap on the wrist at maximum, but punish the bullied more severely when they start standing up for themselves and retaliating.. I was from the education service and saw this first-hand.”
Others urged parents to be more attentive, noting the authorities can only do so much.
One commenter explained, “In the SAF, mental health is taken seriously. But there is only so much the upper brass can do. If mental health victims keep to themselves because they are afraid of their immediate superiors, there is little anyone can do.”
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“Also, I do believe that before enlistment, the enlistees go through a series of health checks which also includes a declaration about whether they are suffering from any mental illnesses (depression, suicidal thoughts, etc). These questions should be answered truthfully.”
They added that parents should also play their part by looking out for warning signs, seeking professional help where necessary, and informing their children's immediate superiors so that they can keep an eye on them in camp.
Support Services in Singapore
Those struggling with their mental health or experiencing suicidal thoughts can reach out to several support services in Singapore. These include Samaritans of Singapore, which operates a 24-hour hotline at 1767 and a WhatsApp service at 9151 1767, as well as National Mindline at 1771 (24 hours) or WhatsApp at 6669 1771.
Other available services include the Singapore Association for Mental Health (1800-283-7019), Silver Ribbon Singapore (6386-1928) and Chat Centre of Excellence for Youth Mental Health (6493-6500/1). Women seeking support can also contact AWARE's Women's Helpline at 1800-777-5555, available on weekdays from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m.