Singapore woman expecting second child says marriage is breaking down after years of unresolved problems
A pregnant woman standing by a wooden crib in a sunlit nursery
SINGAPORE: A 32-year-old Singaporean woman who is expecting her second child took to social media to share that she’s been contemplating ending her marriage following years of conflict with her husband.
“Our marriage is breaking down with daily arguments; disagreements always escalate, there are huge communication issues, and it's very emotionally draining,” she wrote in her post on the r/asksg subreddit on Wednesday (Nov 11).
“This had already been an issue prior to getting married, and since two years into marriage, I had constant thoughts of divorce. Now with the second pregnancy, I’m at the stage of being very mentally drained being an 80%-SAHM and really thinking about a divorce.”
The couple had attended two marriage counselling sessions about four months ago, but her husband reportedly dismissed them as unhelpful, saying the counsellor told him nothing he didn't already know. He has since refused her suggestions to try other counsellors.
“He did say that he wants to make things better and said that he has been making efforts, though I feel things are getting bad to worse.”
She added that she did not want to judge the sincerity of his efforts, as her priority is to improve things for the sake of their children. However, she said that during arguments, he repeatedly blames her for their problems and claims he is merely putting up with her.
Beyond the strain on their relationship, the woman said she was increasingly worried about how their frequent arguments could affect their children in the long run.
“I’m sooo afraid of divorce because of the kids, yet I know how our arguments will influence their view of marriage and relationships.”
For now, she feels that individual counselling may be the only option available to her.
In subsequent edits to her post, she clarified that her husband is a “very hands-on” father. She also noted that she would not face financial difficulties if they separated, as she has her own income and is financially independent.
‘Better restart your life earlier than later’
Her post drew a range of responses from fellow Reddit users, many of whom urged her to have an open conversation with her husband about their marital issues before making any life-changing decisions.
One commenter asked whether she genuinely wanted a divorce or simply hoped to improve their relationship. “Do you actually want a divorce, or just want to get along better? Things won't likely get any easier with two.”
“If you want to give it a chance, talk to your husband and tell him that you want both of you to choose harmony and communication over being right or choosing to be abrasive. Acknowledge it is draining for both of you... Consider if hiring a helper will benefit the situation.”
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Another user felt that her pregnancy could be contributing to her heightened emotions. “This is just hormonal changes caused by pregnancy. The husband should know better and should take care of you emotionally. Just focus first on the delivery of your baby. You can get past this situation. Praying for you.”
A third commenter, however, suggested that divorce might be the better option.
“I just got a divorce (1 year), and my life is more peaceful than ever. I spent some time grieving before and am now looking forward to a new chapter of my life. I have read up on divorce forums for a long time. Nobody really regrets a divorce. Since you’re already emotionally disconnected and counselling is no help, better restart your life earlier than later.”/TISG