Malaysian PR in Singapore says girlfriend's unemployment is straining their finances
Young couple calculating expenses
SINGAPORE: A Malaysian man living in Singapore as a permanent resident says he is feeling burnt out from supporting his girlfriend financially after she stopped earning income for over half a year.
In a post on the r/asksg subreddit on Thursday (Nov 5), the man shared that he is holding down a full-time job plus a part-time job to cover all household costs, while his girlfriend, also a Malaysian PR, works — in name — as an insurance agent.
He said his girlfriend initially entered the insurance industry believing she could earn a substantial income, much like a friend of hers who had found success in the field. However, she has struggled to attract clients, and her career has barely progressed over the past six months.
According to him, she now has fewer than two client meetings a month, does no marketing on social media, and rarely cold-calls. She allegedly spends her days “playing games, watching K-dramas and scrolling through TikTok.”
He added that her personal savings ran out earlier this year, and all three of her credit cards are maxed out. For the past few months, he has been paying the minimum sums on her cards, plus food and transport for both of them.
Beyond her financial difficulties, the man suspects his girlfriend may have developed certain expectations about relationships after watching Chinese couple videos on TikTok.
“A lot of those husband-and-wife videos portray traditional relationship dynamics, where the husband earns all the money and hands his entire salary over to his wife to manage.”
He believes she may have started seeing this as the ideal arrangement, with the husband taking full responsibility for the household finances.
The man said he had no objection to being the sole breadwinner if his girlfriend, or future wife, wanted to become a housewife. But he believes they should first have enough savings and investments, and that he should be earning comfortably above the median salary before taking on that responsibility.
At present, he feels they are nowhere near that position.
“I understand that, as a man, I should work hard, earn more and do my best to reduce my partner’s financial burden. Sometimes I even feel that having to ask my girlfriend to work is a failure on my part as a man. But I’m honestly doing everything I can. I’m already working full-time and taking on part-time work, squeezing in as many working hours as possible.”
He added that they had originally planned to remain DINKs (dual income, no kids) and work towards FIRE (Financial Independence, Retire Early) together. His plan was to handle most of the investing for retirement while she at least covered her own living costs. With her current inactivity, he says their portfolio has stalled and their shared goal is slipping away.
“The investment portfolio has barely grown for months, if not longer. I feel like we’re moving further and further away from the future we originally planned.”
Seeking advice, he asked fellow Reddit users how he could motivate his girlfriend to take her career more seriously.
‘You are not her financial rescue team’
In the discussion thread, many users expressed concern over the man's financial situation, particularly his decision to help pay off the minimum balances on his girlfriend's three maxed-out credit cards.
One commenter pointed out: “Not only has she lost the ability to provide for herself, but she also seems to be developing a habit of relying on you financially, and I cannot help but wonder if this is intentional. At this rate, she is becoming more of a leech than a partner. Since you love her so much, I doubt you can see just how serious the problem has become.”
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Another said: “You are not her financial rescue team. Paying maxed-out credit card minimums for six months while she does nothing is enabling, not love. She needs to face the consequences of her spending and inactivity before she can get back on track.”
Meanwhile, a third suggested: “Encourage her to do a simple full-time job first, or a regular part-time job first. Actually, if her company checks her credit record, she may be put under close monitoring or even asked to leave (I'm from the industry too).”
A few others advised him to walk away from the relationship. One wrote: “A healthy relationship is where both partners work hard, share responsibilities and grow together. The only way to motivate her is when she has no one else to rely on, no more lifeline.”/TISG