Singapore man puzzled after woman who called him 'perfect' ends their relationship
happy couple
SINGAPORE: A 32-year-old man is struggling to make sense of why a woman he had been dating for six months called things off, despite telling him he was "perfect."
In a post on the r/sgdatingscene, he shared that the 29-year-old woman had ended an eight-year relationship just three weeks before they started dating.
He also said her previous relationship had been rather one-sided, with her taking care of most things, including making decisions, cooking, doing laundry, and carrying the mental load.
Although she was still in touch with her ex, as they shared a dog, the man said this never bothered him, since their first three months of dating went well. They were both affectionate with each other and were seemingly on the same page on most things.
Unfortunately, their connection started to change after he admitted that he had fallen in love with her. She allegedly responded that she needed more time, after which she gradually “became less affectionate, texted less, and grew increasingly hot and cold.”
In an attempt to pull her back, he pressed on and told her "he wanted her to be his girlfriend."
The man said this was followed by an hour-long conversation. “She said she wasn't ready to invest in someone new, felt bad that I give more than she does, that it was ‘100% about her,’ that I'm ‘perfect,’ and that she sees us heading toward a relationship. She said no to taking time apart, and the night ended really well.”
“The next week she made a big effort: showing up unannounced and double dating with her best friend. The week after, it faded, and she said she'd felt some pressure. Yesterday morning she ended it. She said she needs time to herself, can't see herself in a short- to medium-term relationship, doesn't really want to be touched lately, that it's not about attraction, and that she feels she can't give me what I want, so it's not fair to me. She left my key behind.”
Seeking perspectives, he asked, “For anyone who's been on either side of this: is it really about her healing, or is that a soft way of saying she wasn't into me?”
‘Looks like she is still trying to figure out things’
In the comments, many commenters suggested that the woman had not fully moved on from her previous relationship and may have entered the six-month romance before she was emotionally ready to start afresh.
One wrote, “Eight years, and she started dating you three weeks after is never a good sign. She obviously hasn't gotten over her previous relationship and enjoyed the experience of being in a relationship, but it was unfortunately never about you. Move on, brother.”
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Another said, “She needs time to herself. Sorry, but you were a rebound for six months. You were just with someone unavailable, that's all. Looks like she is still trying to figure things out.”
A third pointed out, “A relationship needs two parties to commit. It doesn't matter what she said; what's important is she gave you the answer that she can't commit. You both already did a trial run of six months. If that hasn't convinced her to stay, then be thankful she lets you know sooner rather than later that she's gonna leave. You did your best. Take what time you need to grieve, then figure out a way to move forward.”/TISG