Relationships

SINGAPORE: A young man, who’s in his final year of university, felt utterly discouraged after realising that no matter how much effort he puts in, he just doesn’t seem to tick any of the boxes that seem to matter most to women.

Venting on the r/askSingapore Reddit forum on Thursday (Apr 3), he wrote, “I overheard some of my girl friends talking about their dating preferences, and it really opened my eyes. I realised I don’t tick a single one of their boxes. Not looks, not height, not status. It made me wonder if the game is already over for me before it even started.”

He continued, “I don’t think social skills are my issue. My friends often say I’m funny, and I do put in the effort to go out and meet people, but even with that, dating has felt near impossible. I’ve also tried dating apps, but those are just brutal. If you’re not standing out visually or financially, you’re basically invisible, and honestly, I’m worried it’ll only get harder after graduation.”

Unsure of how to navigate the dating scene in Singapore, he reached out to the local men in the subreddit, asking, “What’s worked for you, and what keeps you going? How do you navigate the dating world as a man in SG? I’d really appreciate any honest advice or perspectives.”

“A lot of successful people meet their partners later on in life.”

In the comments section, many Singaporean Redditors urged the young man to focus on personal growth rather than worrying too much about relationships. To them, love and meaningful connections tend to come naturally when one is in a good place mentally, emotionally, and financially.

“As someone who was perfectly happy to be single for the rest of my life, my current relationship really only happened when I was happy with myself and my life. It’s probably the healthiest and strongest one I’ve ever had as well,” one comment read.

Additionally, some advised the young man to work on building his confidence. “You need to establish self-worth so that in the face of rejection, you do not take it personal. As an example, a girl could express romantic interest in you, but if she is not your type, you would also reject (her) as she isn’t your type. Everyone has a preference, even yourself included,” one said.

Meanwhile, a few others reassured the young man that he’s still young, and there’s absolutely no need to rush into finding a partner. “You’re in your early/mid-20s, talking about being alone forever. Calm down, bro. What status are you talking about when you haven’t even gotten your first job? A lot of successful people meet their partners later on in life.

Focus on job search and building yourself. Once you have some money, invest in yourself—work out, do sports, develop (a) hobby, get decent clothes, go for (a) grooming sesh, etc. You can meet women later,” one chimed in.

At what age do people typically meet their lifelong partners?

Mathematician Dr Hannah Fry discovered that the odds of finding “the one” in the first 37% of your romantic life are rather slim. For instance, if you start dating at 15 and aim to marry before 40, it’s unlikely you’ll find your ideal partner between the ages of 15 and 27. During this period, you’re still figuring out what you like, what you don’t, and what you truly want in a relationship.

However, here’s the good news: After you get past that first 37%, between the ages of 27 and 35, you’re much more likely to meet someone who’s a great fit because, by then, you’ve had enough time to reflect on past relationships, learn from them, and gain a deeper understanding of yourself.