‘Am I out of line?’: Singaporean woman confronts brother and girlfriend over rent-free stay

SINGAPORE: A young woman is asking netizens if she went too far after she finally called out her older brother and his girlfriend in their family group chat.

In her post on the r/askSingapore subreddit, she shared that her brother is living at home rent-free, pays nothing toward household expenses, and still owes their mum S$30,000—a loan he refuses to repay despite being chased for it.

“He told me to my face that he ‘chooses to be selfish,’” she wrote.

His girlfriend, she claimed, essentially lives with them five days a week without paying a cent. The couple allegedly runs the air conditioner non-stop and expects their mum to wash, hang, and fold the girlfriend’s clothes, including her undergarments.

“I’ve tried washing my laundry separately from hers, but my mum says she has to wash everything together to save on bills... even though she’s not okay with it either.”

She added that she’s also left to clean up after them. The older brother allegedly leaves his used dishes in the sink, splashes oil across the kitchen countertop when cooking, and leaves breadcrumbs scattered across the dining table, sometimes moments after she has finished cleaning it.

He also refuses to clean the shared toilet, leaving her to scrub up after him and his girlfriend every week.

“And these are just a few examples,” she added.

Meanwhile, it’s her married sister, who has already moved out, that is helping cover the utility bills from afar.

Things boiled over when their mum went overseas a few days ago. According to her, the couple left wet laundry rotting in the washing machine overnight for someone else to re-wash and dry, and left the aircon blasting.

After privately raising concerns about the wasted utilities with her mum, she said her mum finally reached her limit and specifically instructed her to switch off the main air-conditioning isolator at the distribution board (DB) box.

With her mum's backing, the woman decided it was time to address the matter openly.

She said, “I sent a firm, strictly factual message to the family group chat stating that the laundry neglect needs to stop, the AC will be switched off from tomorrow to respect expenses, and that it is deeply shameless to expect our mum to handle a guest's outside laundry and undergarments on bills they don't even pay.”

The woman also revealed that her mum, a divorced single parent who stays at home, had been confiding in her almost daily about feeling taken advantage of.

Despite her frustrations, however, her mum was apparently too afraid of starting a confrontation to address her son directly.

“Just because my mom does everything, it doesn't mean she is okay with it,” the woman wrote.

Seeking perspectives, she asked the Reddit community: “Am I out of line for finally breaking the silence and enforcing this boundary? I need a reality check because my family usually tells me to just ‘be fake and ignore’ to keep the peace, but I finally hit my limit.”

‘I would absolutely go to war over this crap’

In the comments, many reassured her that her reaction was completely justified.

“Nope. Not out of line. I'm sorry to say, but your brother's a bum. I would've snapped within the day,” one user said.

“Completely valid. Your brother acts like this because your mum let him. Not going to lie, if I treated my mum like this, she probably would've slapped me already. To help your mum, you should confront your bum brother and his leech gf directly,” another wrote.

Others also questioned why she was cleaning up after them in the first place. One suggested she stop doing it to make them less keen to stay.

“Why are you cleaning up after them? Of course they want to keep staying. Make the home so unpleasant that they move out. Remove the aircon remote. Stop cleaning their bathroom and share with your mum instead. Put all dirty dishes in their bed. I'd even look for like, stink bombs to leave in their bathroom.”

“This is war, please. I would absolutely go to war over this crap. Lock your own rooms and disable their lock.”

Read also: ‘As the guy I should provide’: Singaporean man stressed after girlfriend expects him to pay for BTO