‘I let my struggles become an excuse’: Singaporean man regrets taking ex-girlfriend for granted
Asian couple standing on gray concrete pathway during daytime
SINGAPORE: A month after parting ways with his girlfriend, a Singaporean man says he remains haunted by the split and deeply regrets failing to value her love while they were still together.
Sharing his feelings in a post on r/askSingapore, he spoke of the anguish of losing a partner who had supported him through his lowest points — an appreciation that only hit him after she was gone.
“It’s killing me on the inside knowing that I might have lost the one person who I loved the most and who loved me the most.”
“I miss her so badly, not because I'm lonely now, but because I'm finally realising how much love was sitting right in front of me and how stupid I was for not seeing it.”
The man said they had enjoyed a good relationship for two years, but things began to deteriorate in the three months before their breakup. They started arguing over things they had done to hurt each other, with personal struggles adding to the strain. His girlfriend was dealing with mental health issues, while he was facing conflicts with his bosses at work.
Working shifts made it even harder for him to balance his job and relationship, he explained. Some nights, he would return home at 10 p.m., too exhausted to do anything with her.
He also said they had both acknowledged their problems and agreed to work through them together. Somewhere along the way, though, he stopped putting in the effort.
“I let my struggles become an excuse to stop showing up for someone who was still trying so hard to show up for me.”
“I’ve heard many people tell me that I am a stubborn person. And if I am being honest with myself, that is true to a certain extent. I was careless with her heart because I firmly believed that whatever the case, ‘that’s just the way that I am,’ and I wanted her to accept me for me even though I hated who I was. I knew actually that all she wanted was someone who cared enough to pay attention to what she needed. Even as I’m typing this, I know I sound like I’m making excuses, but I just couldn’t find it in me back then.”
Over the past month, he said he has been plagued by sleepless nights, lying awake just replaying their past moments together and regretting his actions.
“I hate that it took losing her for me to see how I wasn’t willing to grow for her, even though I knew deep down that I was hurting her. But I don’t know if I could have done things differently, even though I wish I did.”
“I know I messed up, and I just want to know how I can move on from this and stop this cycle. I truly just want to find someone to spend the rest of my life with. But also, what is the meaning of love if it just brings so much pain? How to get over the regret of feeling like I let go of the one person who loved me the most?”
‘Tell her that you are willing to change’
Many commenters urged the man to reach out to his ex-girlfriend and tell her everything he had written in his post. With only a month having passed since their breakup, some felt there might still be a chance for reconciliation.
One told him, “Find her now. What else more can you lose? Personally, I don't want to live a life with regrets.”
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Another echoed this, writing, “Go find her, tell her what you wrote here, and VERY VERY VERY importantly tell her that you are willing to change for her and commit to a fixed plan. Best to bring stuff that can remind her of the good times you both shared. Don't wait any longer. If she truly loves you and she still has feelings for you, she may give you another chance.”
On the contrary, a few others cautioned him against reaching out if he was not prepared to follow through with meaningful change.
One wrote, “If you’re not going to try your hardest to change and are not capable/have no capacity to give her what she needs, do not interrupt her healing by reaching out to her. She deserves someone who can give her the love she needs.”
“Move on and find someone who can accept the extent of love you can give. Or staying single to work on yourself would be the healthier option, but people don’t usually choose the healthier option.”/TISG