Couple’s BTO plans in doubt after serious argument leaves Singaporean man uncertain

SINGAPORE: A 27-year-old man is having second thoughts about applying for a BTO flat with his 26-year-old girlfriend after a serious argument left their relationship on shaky ground.

In a post on r/asksg subreddit, he said the clash stemmed from him confronting her over long-standing traits he finds difficult to accept — her quick temper, defensiveness when criticised, and unwillingness to change.

He wrote: “Whenever she’s confronted, she gets defensive and refuses to apologise and stuff. She tends to get angry easily; it could be a big mismatch. That's why whatever I do will piss her off. I’m not sure if it can be worked through. It has been brought up multiple times.”

The couple then took a week-long break and have since patched things up to some extent, resuming their BTO discussions.

However, he admitted he is now hesitant to go ahead, saying: “I am not sure whether to apply for BTO or not because we are not very stable, and she says that she isn’t very young anymore and wants to apply in this BTO window, but I wasn’t sure about it. Am I being selfish here?”

‘There’s no harm in waiting…’

Many commenters assured him that he was not being selfish and said it was better to have doubts now than regret the decision later.

One said, “Definitely not selfish. You'll stand [to lose] quite a bit of money on the down payment if you withdraw from the BTO somewhere down the road. Don't put down your name on anything unless you're very sure. Trust your gut.”

Another told him, “If you are having doubts and wish not to proceed with the BTO application, that’s actually very mature of you. Always apply only if you are 100% confident in your relationship. Don’t want to end up getting a good queue number and then feel more worth keeping the BTO and then regret years later.”

Some also figured their relationship had already run its course, with one user pointing out, “If you have this kind of feeling, it means a straight no from your gut. Trust me, if it is the right person, applying BTO is an easy and happy process.”

However, a few users felt the relationship could still work if both parties were willing to address their differences.

One user added that he could perhaps try to “observe” her behaviour first and see if she is the right person for him.

“Jus observe her in different settings. Is she nice and accommodating to everyone around her but only hot-tempered with you? How does she behave with her own family members and friend group, and what do your family and friends think of her? It’s really hard to effect a personality change - maybe seeking counselling and taking small concrete steps to improve would yield better results.”

They added, “There’s no harm in waiting for the next quarter or even the following one - not going to make a huge difference in terms of prices and key collection dates, in my honest opinion.”/TISG

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