SINGAPORE: A woman took to social media to talk about how age slowly dissolved her friendships, making her feel very lonely.
In an anonymous post to popular confessions page NUSWhispers, the woman said that she always admired people in big cliques with large friend groups. “I’m sure it must feel nice to have that same group of friends you can always randomly ask out/ have known you long enough etc. I hope they’re aware that they’re really lucky to have found a tight-knit, consistent, group of friends that all like each other, naturally, in life. On the other hand, I have always only been close to 2-3 people MAX. Meaning that in every environment I’m in (school/uni/work), I tend to end up close to 2-3 people there. So I’m usually in a trio, or a 4-person clique where it then (also) becomes a trio, and then as we all get older, we gradually just start chatting 1-1 to each other”, the woman wrote.
She added that as she and her friends all got older, all of her friends started getting into relationships and would eventually prefer to go out with their partners. “I’m starting to get real damn lonely knowing I’m not close enough to anyone to tell/rant s**t to because we’re just “hang out once in awhile” friends see… And it gets depressing that I’ll have smth I’m really excited about but I don’t know who I can discuss the meme/joke/topic with bc everyone has diff interests/busy with their work/busy with their partners etc. Btw don’t get me wrong, I have a partner too but I’d really like to maintain my friendships”, she wrote. She added that one of the worst feelings for her was when she had relationship issues but did not have anyone close enough to confide in. “It just keeps getting worse and worse as I get older. I’m not too sure if anyone else can relate or I’m really just pathetic and not as likeable as those people in consistent “big” cliques haha”, the woman wrote.
One netizen who commented on the post wrote: “You are not alone in feeling this way. As we grow older and priorities change, we grieve for our friends and past relationships. However regarding your assumption that “bigger cliques are better” and you wish somebody would know you intimately… no one knows ALL of you, not even your spouse or parent. There are the big group of friends, but their conversation will likely be not as deep – for deeper connections, you need small group to have vulnerable conversations. You can read books by Brene Brown on this topic. To feel less lonely, try to befriend yourself. Enjoy your time with yourself alone, date yourself. Also, find group of like minded people looking for authentic connections e.g. go to an authentic relating circle, join a listening group like We Are Hear Singapore. Lastly, I recommend therapy who can help you make sense what you are feeling and to have a better quality of life. /TISG