SINGAPORE: Is a man not paying for dates and meals really a red flag? For one Singaporean woman, the answer is a definite no.
In a post on r/askSingapore, a Reddit forum, she explained that splitting bills doesn’t indicate anything negative about a partner’s intentions or feelings.
“I hope to give girls who think the same way some assurance. Ignore what others say about how if he doesn’t pay for dates means it’s a red flag etc,” she said.
In her case, she and her partner have been together for ten years and have always gone Dutch on their dates, which has worked wonders for their relationship.
She recalled how her partner offered to pay on their first date, but she made it clear that she preferred to split the costs instead. This small choice set the tone for their relationship.
Since then, going Dutch has become their norm, reinforcing their bond and helping them build a strong foundation together.
She also believes that expecting a partner to pay for everything or buy luxury gifts is pretty outdated. For her, it’s not about the material stuff—she’s independent and can take care of her own needs. What really matters to her is emotional support and sharing responsibilities, especially when it comes to chores at home.
“You are not expected to maintain me, but it means you have to pull your weight when it comes to house chores,” she emphasized.
She also touched on cultural traditions like Guo Da Li, saying that these practices can feel old-fashioned and rooted in a patriarchal mindset.
“I did my research on Guo da Li, and it’s, in my opinion, an outdated practice…I mainly refused it because of symbolism: I am not going to be a traditional wife, so you don’t have to support me or “compensate” my parents. Needless to say the male’s side is happy with this decision,” she explained.
“I understand that traditional relationships can be happy too, but just wanna share how mine is slightly different and equally fulfilling.”
“Thank you for giving us guys hope”
In the comments section, several women echoed her sentiment, noting that splitting expenses can actually foster a healthier dynamic between partners. They also appreciated her honesty and the emphasis on mutual support rather than traditional expectations.
One user shared, “Same girl, I just can’t stand unfairness in contribution in the relationship LOL I know the ‘take care of the woman’ thing is supposed to be empowering but honestly I find it quite insulting sometimes..
“When my fiancé proposed I was hounding him about what gift he wanted as a “return” gift and poor man was so stressed out about it. In the end we settled for a PS5 even though it was a fraction of the ring.”
Another commented, “Thank you for making me feel like I’m not the only one! I always told my mom I don’t want to have wedding cuz waste money etc.”
A third user expressed, “Same here, strong independent woman! Lol I don’t expect my husband to buy me things.”
A few men also chimed into the discussion and expressed relief that there are still women who value equality in relationships.
One individual said, “Thank you for giving us guys hope!! Congrats on your marriage.”
Another stated, “Thank you for not having your cake and eat it too. Equality goes both ways. I remember the days of being ticked off when asked to split a bill between a few couples but only split among the men as a single guy in the group. Like why am I paying for your partners.”
Featured image by Depositphotos (for illustration purposes only)