Singapore — Sexologist Dr Martha Tara Lee responded via a YouTube video on Dec 9 to a TISG article about a “happily married” family man who had asked for advice as he was wondering whether his wife would accept his “young and wild” female colleague for sex.
Dr Lee said that while no one should judge the man for his preferences, her bigger concern seemed to be for his professional life.
In a place as small as Singapore, acting on his impulses would jeopardize the man’s professional life, she said.
In other words, “Don’t sh*t where you eat,” as the saying goes, is a warning against engaging in questionable behaviour in any place a person frequents because this can lead to serious consequences.
It’s also shorthand for the advice to not have an affair with your workmates.
In a nutshell: a 38-year-old man claimed that his 25-year-old colleague had fallen for him and “recently expressed her adoration” towards him.
And though he says he has two kids and claims he “still” loves his family and enjoys “great sex” with his wife, he admitted that he’s tempted to start something with the young woman, and “sometimes can’t help but think with my little head”.
He considered an “FWB (friends with benefits)” arrangement with her “so no one finds out and gets hurt.”
His solution: to “seek the avenue of incorporating her as a 3P (third person) to my marriage instead”, claiming his wife had “entertained such thoughts for 3P before when we are in bed, but she is generally still a conservative one”.
Dr Lee has several pieces of advice for him, mainly for him to “keep it clean and professional,” with his young colleague.
She first called him “very selfish” and “entitled,” only thinking of himself and not what the consequences could be to his family and younger colleague, who, even though she has reached the age of consent, it doesn’t mean she has the emotional and mental capacity to navigate relationships.
At 25, she pointed out, most Singaporeans are fresh out of university and in general are quite sheltered.
Her first piece of advice was to ask his wife if she really meant it when she said she was open to a 3P.
However, if she is open about it, Dr Lee asked if it’s a good idea to carry out the affair with his colleague, whom the man has to keep seeing every day.
“Get someone else who is not your colleague… someone who really knows what this means because there are consequences on your work environment.
You only have one reputation… when you ruin your professional reputation, (as) Singapore is such a small place, you could actually ruin your professional career.”
Dr Lee also warned about the power differential between the man and his colleague, asking him to look at the ethics behind the situation. Because he is the one in the more senior position, he has greater responsibility.
“Does it have to be her? You and your wife can meet other people that you can introduce into your life,” she added, urging him to keep his professional and personal lives separate.
Earlier this month, Dr Lee published another video on YouTube in response to a TISG article headlined “Girlfriend: ‘I have higher sex drive than him… not sure why he’s not keen on having sex’ — Two women seek advice.”
She said that there are a number of reasons that a man may not want to engage in sexual intimacy and offered advice to those seeking help in this area. /TISG
https://theindependent.sg/why-doesnt-he-want-sex-sexologist-dr-martha-tara-lee-answers-the-question-in-response-to-tisg-article/