SINGAPORE: Feeling troubled by the possibility her boyfriend might be gaslighting her, a woman sought advice on social media.
In an anonymous post on r/sgdatingscene, a Reddit forum, she shared that her boyfriend ‘denied and even became offended’ when she told him she had seen him checking out other women multiple times.
“His eyes light up when he sees a lovely female silhouette,” she said.
Lately, she has also observed her boyfriend glances at other women and seems to experience a ‘surge of energy’ when he does. Despite his obvious behaviour, she noted he still denies it.
“He was offended when I said he did. He seems honest, but I can’t help but feel like my observations were not wrong either,” she expressed.
Additionally, she encouraged him to be truthful, repeatedly reassuring him she wouldn’t get mad or anxious if he admitted it. However, to her dismay, her boyfriend insisted she was mistaken and stood by his denial.
“I was hoping he would admit it. But it seemed like it was covered up. I won’t get anxious if my other half looks at other ladies, but it also depends on how he does it,” she said.
“Is this normal for guys? Should I be doubting myself?” she asked.
“It’s innate to guys; sometimes we just can’t help it”
In the comments section, a few Singaporean Redditors explained that “glancing” at attractive women is normal for guys so she shouldn’t be overly bothered by it.
One Redditor said, “It’s innate to guys; sometimes we just can’t help it. And he is probably just being defensive when you brought it up. If you wanna ease him into it, join him to check out a chiobu and yandao.”
Another suggested, “People always look at good-looking people. Talk to him about it. Or you can do what my gf does; she points out good-looking gals and guys to me.
He should be able to admit if he is looking at a good-looking gal.
If he does look, does that make you anxious? If it does make you anxious, you need to talk to him about doing more for each other so that both of you feel more secure in the relationship.”
On the other hand, some Redditors argued it’s unacceptable for a man to look at another woman, especially in front of his partner.
They claimed that such behaviour is disrespectful and indicates the man is not fully committed to his relationship.
One Redditor commented, “Not normal, siao ah… Girl, why do you let someone treat you like that?”
Another expressed, “The problem is, he is focusing on other girls, not like a glance only. Yes, she should be more secure. But it’s also really up to the communication of the issue.
He should also stop staring at pretty women; glancing is normal. You can look at pretty and handsome women and men. But do not stare until you disregard your partner’s presence.”
A third stated, “I can relate so much to this. I would rather the guy admit it, and we can talk about it, to be honest, and to make me feel assured as well of myself!”
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