‘You don’t need to worry, no one would want to rape you anyway’ — Brother tells sister

SINGAPORE — A female Reddit user wrote a post on r/askSingapore Thursday (Feb 16) saying that some of her 16-year-old brother’s remarks about rape “doesn’t sit right” with her, but wondered if she is being too sensitive about the matter.

She explained that after their mother mentioned that there have been more molestation cases recently and told her to be careful, her brother replied “You don’t need to worry, no one would want to rape you anyway.”

The Reddit user added that this is not the first time he’s said this, and while she’s “always tried to tell him that he just shouldn’t be saying such things,” she added that she doesn’t “really know how to explain” why.

She also said that if she tries to do so “he’ll just say ‘okay that’s your problem/your view I guess’ and just walk away, so I’m left feeling frustrated and annoyed cause I don’t know how to make him more aware about it as well.”

Her brother, she added, “is very very very closed to feedback (like he usually just say okay and nod but I don’t think he internalise it), so I’m wondering if there’s any other way to get through to him.”

She added in an edit to her post that their relationship is “decent” and explained “what doesn’t sit right with me is the fact that he’s voicing out these opinions that he KNOWS will hurt me, cause I’ve talked about my lack of confidence to him before.

I’m not conventionally attractive, but I don’t think that gives my brother (or anyone else) the right to say such things to me.”

She also wrote that she doesn’t believe that the kind of remarks her brother says should be said in the first place.

Some commenters on her post wrote, based on their own experiences, that being a victim of s*xual predators has nothing to do with one’s looks.

One Reddit user told her she needs to “Reverse Uno” her brother.

“Being raped isn’t a trophy to justify attractiveness, rapists rape babies to adults, girls and boys. Your issues with your s*xuality isn’t my cross to bear, it’s yours to fix.”

Some urged her to take more direct action.

Others assured her that she is not being oversensitive.

One commenter advised her to get help from their parents.

Experts say that one myth about rape is that it’s about s*x, when really, it’s about power.

“Myth: Rape is about s*x. People who rape do it because they cannot control their s*xual desire.

Reality: Rape is not about s*x. Rape is about having power and control over another person. Three out of five rapists are also in consenting s*xual relationships. This myth takes the blame off of the rapist and does not hold him accountable for his actions,” says one s*xual assault crisis centre website. /TISG

My brother keeps asking me for loans to buy branded bags, watches, and frequent holidays; mum feels I should help him