SINGAPORE: A local Reddit user whose brother has a lot of their parents’ money took to the platform seeking advice as to what they can do to help not only their brother, but perhaps more importantly, their parents.
In a post on r/askSingapore, u/Impressive_Oven_6099 wrote that since they were young, their brother has “always stolen and borrowed money” from their parents, who are in their 70s and have not yet retired.
They described their family as on the lower end of the income class, as evidenced by their once having had CHAS Blue.
Their brother was recently hired by a friend, a company CEO. For a while, it looked like the brother was turning his life around with a high-paying job, and his parents, who felt happy and proud of him, gave him money for a BTO and a car. On their part, the post author created a website for the company where his brother worked, for which they were never paid, despite promises to do so.
But what is more alarming is that the brother asked their family to invest money into the company, and to make a long story short, they lost S$100,000. At the moment, the family continues to lose money, as the brother keeps asking for more, claiming he needs it for lawyers’ fees.
“Our parents are worried sick for him every day, and have no more retirement funds… I’m worried sick as well. I’ve been suggesting not to give him more money because he doesn’t seem to treat us as family, more like an ATM,” the post author wrote, asking what he can do to help his brother and his parents, who still hope the brother will succeed.
“Does hiring a lawyer even require so much money? I posted this here to see if anyone will know how much lawyer fees are, etc/ways to sell cars or help a person with no money sense build their wealth without splurging.”
While the top comment on the thread contained advice for the post author’s family to simply stop giving money to the brother, another Reddit user wrote that neither the brother nor the parents can be convinced to change their ways, and advised the post author to cut all financial ties with them.
“If you are earning enough, decide how you want to support your parents one day when they are really destitute and have stopped supporting your brother financially (this is critical). Put the money aside for it, but never tell them you have this fund at all, or else they might go back to old ways. And when you do help them, always let them know how much you are sacrificing for them; otherwise, they will take it as their due. I never believe in silent suffering when dealing with adults, I’m not a saint,” they added.
Others chimed in to say that lawyer letters can be quite costly, sometimes to the tune of thousands of dollars.
And while others advised the post author to call the police, they wrote that they were afraid this would make their brother angry and violent.
“Sometimes, you go to an ATM to try to draw money, and the ATM tells you that it has run out of cash. Then you cannot get any money,” commented a Reddit user.
“It could be any potent combination of love, fear of failing as parents, desire to take pride in the elder son, etc. It is a hard topic to raise with parents without making it sound like you are resentful of the sibling. Better to have a convo focused purely on their retirement finances and planning. In the meantime, you make sure your own finances are in order. If you feel you can talk to your brother, do so lor,” another wrote. /TISG