SINGAPORE: An employer took to social media to seek advice after her domestic helper expressed a desire to resign, citing frequent verbal abuse from a family member.
Posting on Reddit’s ‘Ask Singapore’ forum on Saturday (May 17), the employer shared that she lives with her elderly mother, who has mobility issues, as well as her sister and their domestic helper. She explained that the helper was hired because neither she nor her sister was able to manage her mother’s caregiving needs alone.
However, the situation at home has become increasingly tense. The employer alleged that her sister, who struggles with anger management, has been shouting at the helper and throwing things on the floor multiple times a day.
“It happens every day, maybe three or four times per day. No point talking, there is no reasoning that can be done with her,” she wrote, adding that attempts to calm her sister only lead to more outbursts.
The helper has since told her that she wants to leave. “I don’t blame her,” the employer said. “Not even I can stand how my sister behaves.”
Now overwhelmed and unsure how to manage her mother’s care without help, the employer ended her post with a question: “How do I manage my mum’s caregiving when the helper leaves? I am quite tired now and also have a lot of other issues. Thinking of just giving up and letting things happen. Does anyone have any suggestions?”
“Give your sister an ultimatum”
In the discussion thread, several Reddit users weighed in with strong opinions and advice on how the woman could handle the situation with her sister.
One user suggested taking serious action by involving the authorities. “Report your sister so she gets a warning from authorities,” they wrote. “[You could also] help your helper transfer to a good home? Maybe pressure your sister to pay for the costs of getting a new one.”
Another user didn’t hold back and encouraged the woman to set firm boundaries. “Give your sister an ultimatum,” they said. “If she doesn’t want to help out with caring for your mum, doesn’t want to work and find a job, and still continues to verbally abuse the helper, then you can throw her out of the house and change the locks. She’s not a minor, right? She’d better start learning to be independent and find work to support herself. Too free, nothing to do, lots of time having fun tormenting the helper. Don’t enable her anymore.”
A third user took a more practical approach and suggested a long-term solution. “Put your mum in a nursing home so that your sister can’t take out her angst on anyone,” they wrote. “You wouldn’t need the helper then, so your costs can go to nursing home fees.”
According to the A.C.T. Against Violence’s website, if you’re being verbally or physically abused or mistreated in any way, or if you suspect that a Foreign Domestic Worker (FDW) is going through the same, there are a few things you can do to get help. One option is to report the situation to the police. They’ll look into the complaint, and if they find that a crime has been committed, they will start a criminal investigation.
Employers who are found guilty can face serious consequences under the law, and they might also be permanently banned by the Ministry of Manpower (MOM) from hiring another FDW in the future. You can also call the FDW Helpline at 1800 339 5505 to speak with an MOM officer and learn more about next steps.
Featured image by Depositphotos (for illustration purposes only)