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‘I am living in hell now from all the stress,’ Man who ‘married a woman out of his league’ seeks advice

"I married a woman out of my league and I kept it a secret that I am struggling to maintain her lifestyle,” he wrote in a post

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A man took to the NUS Whispers Facebook page to ask for advice on how to earn more money because he says married to a woman used to an extravagant lifestyle. 

“I married a woman out of my league and I kept it a secret that I am struggling to maintain her lifestyle,” he wrote in a post published on Apr 23. While he calls her the girl of his dreams, he admitted that he is “living in hell now from all the stress” of struggling to maintain the lavish lifestyle of yacht parties, vacations, shopping, beauty treatments and other luxuries that she’s used to because of her upbringing.

“I don’t want to dash her dreams that what I am providing for her is actually a lie,” he added.

The man described his wife as “humble and nice even though she loves shopping and wears designer brands from head to toe,” and wrote that he saved nearly one year’s worth of his salary to buy her a diamond ring. 

Before they got married they nearly broke up because of the disparity in their lifestyles, “but she had told me she didn’t mind my background and convinced me to stay with her, saying she can spend humbly too,” he added.

His wife, a stay-at-home mother, is independently wealthy due to gifts from her parents.

“Her parents also gifted her more than 1 apartment so she has passive income. Her combined income from everything is even more than what I earn monthly. I have never allowed her to give me any money that came from her parents. I wish to provide for my family myself but I am struggling. At the same time I struggle with the thought that her parents are still providing for her even after she had married me,” the man added.

He also wrote that he believed that his wife is “secretly ashamed of me for not earning enough,” but she denies this when they fight.

The man appears to be under an enormous amount of stress, as he works long hours, and sometimes barely gets two hours of sleep.

He added, “I admit it’s my fault that I stupidly think I have the ability to afford her lifestyle. I find myself drinking a lot more nowadays and avoiding home because I am afraid she would find out the truth and regret marrying me.” 

NUS Associate Professor Ben Leong, who often weighs in on the page with advice, had this to say.

Many commenters agreed with Prof Leong that the poster should come clean with his wife, who sounds like she genuinely loves him, and accept the situation. 

“She didn’t marry you for your money so why did you make it the main focal issue in your marriage?,” one netizen told him.

“Y(ou)r inferiority will kill your marriage,” said another.

One commenter opined, “Your wife needed you more than your money.”

“It is not finances that are ruining your marriage. It is your ego,” one netizen wrote.

/TISG

NUSWhispers gets serious: Average JC student blossomed and now owns 14 F&B establishments

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