SINGAPORE: A 25-year-old woman took to Reddit to ask if she was wrong for refusing to visit her boyfriend’s parents for Chinese New Year (CNY) this year, all because she received an incredibly small hongbao from them last year.
In a post on Reddit’s ‘Ask Singapore’ forum, she explained that she’s always made an effort to show appreciation for his family. She regularly sends gifts to their home after overseas trips and gives them thoughtful presents during festive seasons, including CNY.
“They live in Johor, but the parents work in Singapore for a pretty modest salary, even by Singaporean standards,” she acknowledged, trying to understand their financial situation.
On the other hand, her boyfriend maintains a more distant relationship with his parents. He doesn’t speak much to them but still ensures his siblings have the necessities they need.
After being in a serious relationship for two years and living together, she and her boyfriend decided to visit his parents for CNY last year. She was hoping it would be a warm and memorable experience, especially since it was her first time meeting them. However, that hope quickly turned to disappointment when she saw how much she received from them.
“Got home and realised the hongbao his parents gave was just 5RM. $1.60. Even his aunts gave way more than that. Couldn’t help but feel insulted but my boyfriend opened his hongbao from them and it was the same 5RM!!!” she wrote, expressing her frustration.
She added, “This is honestly the smallest hongbao I have ever received in my life… It got me reflecting a lot for months but I would have been okay with it if they at least gave him 10. We are seeing each other seriously but I honestly have no idea how I’m going to go back and see them again.”
“This is 2025; don’t be so materialistic”
In the comments section, Singaporean Redditors quickly criticised the woman for focusing too much on the hongbao’s monetary value rather than appreciating its tradition and sentiment.
One Redditor bluntly said, “The red packet is just a tradition and well wishes for you. I don’t think you should be travelling in the interest of collecting money in mind. If your goal is money, respectfully, my suggestion would be to skip CNY and work. Anyways you should be a female in workforce since you’re 25, why ruin your relationship over a small amount of money…”
Another commented, “I would say you’re being petty. CNY is not about the money.” Others took the criticism a step further, calling the woman materialistic and calculative.
One user said, “Wow, I hope your boyfriend breaks up with you, lol. This is 2025, so don’t be so materialistic. You’re going to marry your boyfriend, not his parents. Also, you never share whether they are a well-to-do family or normal; people might have difficulties and such. Also, he also gets 5rm. It’s not like they gave him 50rm and you 5rm.”
Another said, “Wow so calculative. Huge red flag.”
Hongbao rates in Malaysia
As reported by iMoney, during CNY, parents typically give their children hongbaos ranging from RM20 to RM200.
The usual amount for gifts to parents or in-laws is between RM88 and RM388. When gifting to younger or unmarried siblings, hongbaos generally range from RM50 to RM200, while for cousins, nephews, nieces, and extended family, the typical amount is between RM10 and RM50.
The range for other individuals, such as friends, coworkers, or acquaintances, is RM8 to RM20. These are the updated rates for 2025.
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