Singapore man looks back at his mother’s generation: ‘So many of them worked full-time’ yet carried the household

SINGAPORE: A Singaporean man has found himself looking at his mother differently after realising just how much women of her generation were expected to shoulder at home.

After a conversation with friends about their parents’ relationships and the "domestic inequality" they witnessed growing up, the man said he could not stop thinking about how many mothers worked full-time jobs yet were still expected to handle most, if not all, of the cooking, cleaning, childcare, and emotional labour at home.

In a post on the r/asksg subreddit, he said the conversation left him feeling "frustrating and sad" about the experiences of many mothers who spent decades carrying responsibilities often treated as simply part of being a wife and mother.

“The more I think about it, the more frustrating and sad it gets. Looking at our moms' generation: so many of them worked full-time jobs to help support the family financially, while also carrying 100% of the housework,” he said.

“Meanwhile, our dads could just chill at home, treat all that labour as invisible, order our moms around, and still pick on them—criticising the food they cooked or things they did, as if they were superior.”

The man said he did not believe younger women would be as willing to accept the same arrangement today.

“Honestly, I don't think women these days will tolerate that kind of double standard anymore. I do trust that the younger generation of men is stepping up more—putting in real time to share household chores equally and actually co-parenting kids. The culture is definitely shifting.”

“But it still makes me so sad for our mothers. They had to suffer through this for decades, and as adult children, there’s really not much we can do to re-educate our dads at this stage.”

The man added he cannot undo what his mother experienced or change the circumstances she lived through decades ago, but he has tried to make her life more comfortable now.

To make it up to her in whatever way he can, he said he has been showering his mother with love now, taking her out from time to time, buying her nice things, and giving her opportunities to simply enjoy herself.

He also admitted that he sometimes finds himself stepping in when his father behaves in a way he feels is unfair towards his mother.

"Sometimes I have to parent my dad to make him shut up," he wrote, before asking others who had grown up witnessing similar family dynamics how they dealt with the feeling of helplessness.

‘It’s why you see so many staying single these days’

The post struck a chord with some Reddit users, who said seeing their mothers carry the bulk of household responsibilities had influenced how they viewed marriage and parenthood.

One user suggested that watching mothers exhaust themselves at home could partly explain why some people today feel anxious about having children.

"Isn’t it partially the reason why people have this doom and gloom vision of having kids? Because they saw their mom being exploited at 200% of capacity, and it was not great to witness."

Another commenter said, “That's why some women focused heavily on marrying rich. The wealthy can afford maids. I suspect men back then didn't even like their wives—women were just free labour they didn't want to pay for. Women are far more educated now. It's also why you see so many staying single these days.”

A third added, “Long ago, women were treated as property. Read the Bible—it contains stories about women being lesser beings. The Middle East still gives women fewer rights. The terrible part is that women then, and in those cultures, were conditioned to be submissive.”

Meanwhile, some argued there's no point in dwelling on the issue now that times have changed.

They also felt that today's men should not automatically be held responsible for the behaviour of their fathers or grandfathers.

One user wrote, “You are right that the previous generation endured this, but at the same time I don’t like the repercussions to be imposed on the current generation male. We are not our fathers or grandfathers.”

Others pointed out that family dynamics could vary dramatically, even among people from the same generation.

One user shared. “My family is opposite. My dad did everything while my mom just shakes her leg, be a madam, and scold him every day.”/TISG

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