Son unsure how to deal with biological mother who returned years after abandoning him: ‘She drops hints that she’s broke’

SINGAPORE: One Singaporean man is seeking advice online on how to deal with his biological mother after she suddenly returned to his life years after having had no part in raising him.

Sharing his experience on the r/askSingapore subreddit on Friday (Sep 18), the man said neither of his parents was present in his childhood.

According to him, both parents left when he was young because they didn’t “really plan” on having him.

“Now out of the blue my mother came back into my life, wants to meet up; she occasionally drops hints that she’s broke,” he wrote.

The unexpected reunion has since left him in an uncomfortable position, particularly as he feels his mother has been trying to elicit sympathy from him.

‘I shouldn’t have given her my number’

The man said he has since blocked his mother’s number but expects she may still turn up at his home.

“I shouldn’t have given her my number in the first place,” he wrote.

He added that she knows where he lives and may continue visiting, saying he would consider moving out if her behaviour became more frequent or intrusive.

The situation is particularly complicated because he lives with the grandparents who raised him. He also said his mother has not directly asked him for money, but has repeatedly made comments about her financial difficulties and age.

“She’s not explicitly demanding money but keep on saying stuff like, ‘I am already old, if I stand up for too long my back hurts …’”

Unsure how far he should go in dealing with his mother, the man asked other users for advice.

“What would you do?” he asked.

‘Don’t entertain her..’

Many commenters urged him not to feel obliged to provide his mother with money or attention simply because she is his biological parent.

One user advised him to stop engaging with her altogether.

“Don’t answer the door for her. Don’t reply to her messages. Don’t entertain her and stay stone-faced if you do see her,” they wrote.

“She was selfish then, and she’s being selfish now. Good luck.”

Another commenter said, “You don’t owe her a thing just because she birthed you. She’s not entitled to a single second of your time or a single cent from your wallet.”

A third added, “Tell her, ‘Oh, I’m broke too…’ or tell her you have a debt waiting to be cleared; can she help? Bet she’s going to disappear ASAP.”

On the other hand, some users reminded the man not to overlook the grandparents who had raised him and not to let his anger towards his mother consume him.

“Whatever your mother did to you or didn’t do to you, you can choose to have compassion for her,” one user told him.

“Yes, she's never been in your life and only came when she needed help from you, but as a human you can have compassion. I understand she screwed up to the MAX, but you can help her with money, etc, if you have extra, but your grandparents are always first. What you do is your pahala/karma; what she did was hers. Don't let hate consume you. Hate only destroys you.”/TISG

Read also: ‘Go home and make your own hot water’: Singapore diner slammed over 50-cent charge complaint