Couple spends up to S$100k on wedding, expects guests to help cover S$300-a-head costs

SINGAPORE: At its core, giving an ang bao at a wedding is a way for guests to wish the couple good fortune, longevity, and prosperity. 

The practice used to be about the sentiment. These days, it's become more of an obligation — guests are expected to give enough to cover their seats. There are even unofficial ang bao rates tied to specific wedding venues.

However, should covering the costs really fall on the guests? Shouldn't they be free to give only what they can afford, given that the whole point is simply to wish the couple well?

This topic recently resurfaced online after a Reddit user shared that his friend, who is about to get married, had complained about some relatives and wedding guests who “probably won’t give enough to cover their seats.”

According to the friend, these guests' “personal finances are tight.”

For context, the user explained that his friend is holding the banquet at a luxurious 5-star hotel. From what he understands, the couple probably earns slightly below Singapore's median salary, and he heard that the parents are not footing the wedding bill.

“The total wedding cost is apparently close to S$90-100k, mainly because the banquet is around S$300/pax.”

Finding the costs absurd, he wrote, “Personally, I think expecting guests to bao S$300 is quite crazy. That's a lot of money for one wedding, and they don't have a say in the venue location.”

“I just don't really understand why spend so much on the banquet when you can't afford to lose the money. If having a hotel banquet is a must, why not go for a more mid-tier hotel banquet?” he argued.

Seeking some perspective, he asked fellow users: “For those who splurged on your banquet, why did you do it and did you ever regret it?”

‘We don’t expect people to cover costs’

In the comments, many users said they agreed with the post author, questioning why couples would hold weddings they cannot afford in the first place, then expect their guests to help cover the costs and feel bitter when they do not give enough.

One user commented, “Whole Chinese wedding culture in SG is insanely whack and cringey. I’d never understand it. Think the whole idea of having to ‘cover your seat’ is so bloody lame. If you want to throw your wedding at somewhere you can barely afford and hope your guests cover your seat, you’re lame as hell.”

Another said, “Those kinds of people, I definitely turn down their wedding invite. I’m not an angbao to pay for their wedding, okay. Meh.”

As for the post author's question, some users who had held, or were preparing to hold, expensive weddings shared their thoughts.

One wrote, “Did mine at a 5-star hotel for the memories. Leveraged the venue to plan games and sequences that wouldn’t have worked with a cheaper venue. So, no regrets at all, and our guests had fun. So did we.”

Another shared, “Having a wedding soon. Total cost around S$60k++. Wife and I are of agreement that we don’t expect people to cover costs, and we will only invite close friends and family. That being said, having a wedding banquet is purely a selfish reason, and we understand that, so the people we invite are just people whose presence matter to us more than whatever they give.”/TISG

In other news, a 75-year-old man in Singapore has allegedly been forced out of the HDB flat he fully paid for, after a dispute with his own 55-year-old daughter led to his eviction roughly a month ago.

The elderly man is said to have spent about a month sleeping rough before a family took him in, according to a Reddit post shared by an acquaintance of the family on Thursday (Sep 17).

Read more: 75-year-old grandfather allegedly locked out of HDB flat he paid for, sleeps rough for a month