Singapore man asks girlfriend to be official at photobooth, later learns she wanted a grand romantic gesture

SINGAPORE: A 27-year-old man says he was left devastated after his 20-year-old girlfriend told him she felt let down by the way he asked her to be his girlfriend a few weeks earlier, complaining that there had been no “big romantic event” at all.

In a Friday (Sep 25) post on the r/sgdatingscene forum, the man explained that his girlfriend had never dated anyone before him, while he had been in several relationships. When he decided to ask her to be his girlfriend, he wanted the moment to feel meaningful in a way that came naturally to him. “I work in image/film, so I care a lot about memories and how moments are captured,” he said.

During one of their dates, the pair were taking photos together in a photo booth, and he popped the question right there. There was no grand gesture — no fancy dinner, no flowers, no elaborate surprise.

Simple as it was, the man said it was “intentional.” “We have a photograph from that day where you can genuinely see how happy she was. For me, having that physical memory of the moment we became a couple made it incredibly special.”

He assumed his girlfriend felt similarly, at least until she told him a few weeks later that she had, in fact, “expected more.”

“She had imagined a fancy dinner and more of a ‘big romantic event.’ And honestly, that hurt.”

“Not because I think she should have been grateful, but because I genuinely thought I had created something meaningful for us. Hearing that it wasn’t ‘special enough’ made me feel like the thought I put into it didn’t really matter.”

While he understands that she has different expectations and is entitled to feel disappointed, he couldn't help but feel hurt. “Maybe we simply have different ideas of what makes a romantic moment meaningful.”

At the end of his post, he asked fellow Singaporeans whether he was in the wrong for popping the question in a not-so-romantic setting.

“Am I the villain for not making the moment I asked my girlfriend to be officially special enough? Am I being an a**hole here? Or is this simply a case of two people having different expectations?” 

“And how would you approach this conversation without making her feel guilty for wanting more, while also explaining why hearing that it wasn’t enough genuinely hurt me?”

‘Intention and effort are not the same’

In the thread, many reassured the young man that neither party was the villain.

One user said, “First of all, no, I don’t think you’re the villain. You did make an effort, some guys nowadays don’t even ask girls to be their girlfriend anymore, they just waiting for it to magically appear.”

“But I also understand why she didn’t feel like it was grand because there really wasn’t much substance and effort, as you said, so yourself. Intention and effort are not the same.”

Another wrote, “I would have walked away, haha. You have planned and done something which ‘formalised’ the relationship. Something that she could have done but did not. Yes, she is allowed to feel disappointed. Her feelings are valid. But do you want to be in a relationship with somebody who gets disappointed over such matters?”

Some, meanwhile, suggested the boyfriend may not have given enough thought to what his girlfriend wanted.

One asked him, “Have you ever communicated with her about what she wants? Take it as she bought you an iPhone for your birthday, but it’s in her favourite colour, she put on her favourite phone case. How would you feel?”

Another advised, “If you truly love her, you guys will have to adapt to each other's love language, or else it will be hard and lead to resentment.”/TISG

Read also: 15 years in Singapore hospitality, 12 months unemployed: ‘I’m genuinely baffled why I’m rejected’