Singaporean in his 30s quits toxic job without telling parents after being told to ask dad for permission

SINGAPORE: A local man has questioned whether “it is common for parents in Singapore” to remain heavily involved in their adult children’s lives after his mother told him he needed his father’s permission before quitting his job.

Sharing his experience on the r/askSingapore forum, the man said he had told his mother that he planned to leave his toxic workplace and move into a different field.

Rather than getting her support, however, he was told, “You need to ask your dad for permission before you quit your job.”

The man found the idea ridiculous, pointing out that he does not work for his father and is already in his 30s. As far as he was concerned, he should be able to decide for himself whether to stay in or leave a job.

So, in what he jokingly called the “pro-Asian kid move,” he quit without telling his parents first and only informed them much later.

“Naturally, my parents say I disrespect them,” he wrote.

“The irony is that my parents did whatever they wanted when they were young. And don't get me started on how they insist my girlfriend have to do this and that to prove that she is a good girlfriend.”

After speaking to a few close friends about the incident, he realised that his experience may not be particularly unusual.

“I discussed this with a few close friends and apparently, it is not that uncommon for parents here to continue to dictate what their adult children should do, even when their adult children are married.”

‘You have a right to do things that make you happy’

In the discussion thread, many commenters agreed that such parents are common in the city-state.

One wrote, “Yes, it is [normal here]. My colleague in her 20s didn't go for a company trip because her parents didn't allow her to go.”

Another commented, “Unfortunately, such incidents aren’t uncommon in Singapore. Protect and take care of yourself. Sometimes distancing yourself is necessary for your own health and sanity. You have a right to do things that make you happy.”

A third said, “Yes, from what I experienced and heard from my peers, this isn’t uncommon in Singapore. My parents only ‘let go’ after I moved out into my own flat.”

A fourth shared, “Yes, I’m 27, and my parents kicked up a fuss about me going on a solo trip to Japan. I learnt to just go and not tell them anything lol.”

Still, not everyone said they had experienced the same dynamic with their parents.

Some commenters shared that their parents were able to offer advice without making decisions on their behalf.

One user recalled, “When my dad was alive, we used to talk about careers, and he would give me advice, but it’s always my choice.”

Another commented, “Not my parents, they have learnt to let me live my life.”

Meanwhile, a few others suggested that the man have an honest conversation with his parents about boundaries.

One wrote, “Perhaps you can have a mature conversation with your parents and have them define what respect means and hold them accountable if they say anything unreasonable. You can be close with your parents and discuss life/career plans with them, but I think it’s very different as ‘asking for permission to quit.’”/TISG

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