SINGAPORE: A woman who was about to tie the knot felt that she ran into a number of problems during the planning stage which caused her to look at her fiancé and his mother rather differently. In an anonymous post to popular confessions page SGWhispers, the woman said that the issue was twofold; her fiancé was not involved in the planning himself but kept trying to push his mother’s opinion into things.

She wrote that her fiancé did not “put in effort in planning things (dates/trips/wedding etc) until after multiple “pushes” and arguments. We had a lot of arguments which resulted in him wanting to handle the remaining items of the wedding. But every time I check in for updates, I can see he doesn’t actively chase for one from the vendors that we will end up arguing”.

She also added that she wanted to shift their marriage to have it sooner rather than later. While her husband-to-be did not seem to have any issues with his initially, “it only became an issue when his mum wants things to be done her way and I am not 100% receptive”. The woman added that while she initially thought his mother was nice and welcoming, dealing with her fiancé’s mother made her reconsider her first impression.

As they planned for their engagement ceremony and wedding, the woman wrote that they already got some of her fiancé’s mother’s suggestions. “She wanted to invite more people and wants to include her own dessert table without consulting me, the other person in this marriage. She also wanted her friend to source our rings for us. But because she was upset at my partner’s lack of communication, she was “forcing” us to accept her and his family’s help for decorating some gifts”, the woman wrote.

While the bride-to-be added that it was a small item, it was something she wanted to do with her partner. “I told him multiple times that it’s really nice of her to want to help, but let’s have an attempt at it by ourselves first before we go to her if we really need that help. Then, his mum started saying unreasonable things to my partner like “if you don’t accept our help, then no one would be there at your funeral”… I was taken aback because why does she have to take it that far?” the woman wrote.

She continued in her post: “At first she had accepted it, or so I thought. But when my partner are arguing over a trivial matter, he brought it up again and he himself was threatening me saying that since I don’t want to let his mum take over the decoration of gifts, I should at least do it at his house where his mum can oversee things, and if not, it would be the end of us. I felt so pressured and I just couldn’t sit with that idea. What I initially thought we had agreed on, doing it together without anyone judging us or overlooking us, became something where I had to accept some hidden “terms and conditions””.

She explained that she became rather distraught at the thought of them calling off the wedding, so she backed down and told her fiancé to go ahead and do the gifts with his family the way they wanted. She added that it made her feel awful because she had no control over something she had to spend money on. The woman also added that through this entire process, she could feel that her partner was slowly turning his back against her. “I am contemplating whether I should still continue with this relationship with him switching up on his words like this and also already dreading dealing with his mum. I still love him a lot, but how much more do I have to give in/compromise? How do I make this work?” she asked netizens.

Netizens who commented on her post urged her to reconsider the marriage altogether. One wrote: “you need to sit down think about this carefully. marriage isn’t an easy decision. the last thing any lady wants is a husband who is dismissive of every thing they do. it’s call “life partner”. partner is by meaning support. if getting married already this bad. think about when having a baby, handling the baby education and etc etc. you might be left to handle everything alone. if you decided no, be prepared to lose the money but save your remaining life of unhappiness”.

Another netizen commented: “trust me. the one who is spineless is your husband-to-be. i feel sorry for you having YOUR wedding being planned by an unwanted third party who doesn’t understand you. i bet your husband speaks/complains a lot about it to her to the point she felt that she had to step in and “rescue” her son in planning the wedding. i’m not sure how far you both have come til this point. if you think your man will not be any more mature than his current self.. then forget this marriage, because you’re gonna be on your own when you live with his family. he ain’t got your back when problems arise”. /TISG

SINGAPORE: A man who felt that he was mostly a negative person decided to hide his true opinions and respond in a socially correct manner. In an anonymous post to popular confessions page SGWhispers, the man said that he was not a person who motivated others but instead turned to worst-case scenarios. He also added that he would sometimes forget to sugarcoat his words.

However, “a few of my close ones are telling me that I should learn to be positive and always speak positive(ly)”, the man wrote. Because of this, the man added that he would hide his worst opinions and give socially correct responses. He continued: “I don’t just sugarcoat but drown them in sugar or silence. They seems (sic) to love (or) hate it. Often thinking I am not genuine and trying to brush them off. Hmm, how can I be genuine when I am not allow(ed) part of my opinions because they’re negative? Sometimes I could feel they’re intentionally cutting me off when they THINK the conversation is going to turn negative”.

He added that he found communication to have become very tiring. The people around him would only talk about things they cared about while cutting him off when he tried to share what he wanted, or they would pretend to listen to him. “I have been thinking hard because this is happening with my family and a close friend. So is it really that I am so irksome when I talk?” he asked netizens.

Those who commented on his post said he could still speak his mind without being insensitive to others. One said: “Speaking your mind is not an excuse for being insensitive to people’s feelings. There are many ways to phrase the same points, without upsetting people. You can be honest AND still be seen as a kind/considerate person. Read some relevant books, tweak your behaviour and re-establish your reputation”.

Another netizen commented: “Widen your knowledge on the subject before you talk. Don’t just limit yourself to your existing thoughts. Understand where others are coming from. Being a good listener helps a lot to appreciate other’s views. If majority of people cut you off or think you’re negative, so you are. Reflect & improve. Spread positivity and make the world a better & nicer place for everyone including yourself”.