SINGAPORE: In Singapore’s relationship news, an online user turned to Singaporeans in an online forum on Thursday (April 4) to ask how people feel about their partners going out for drinks with the opposite gender.
“Would you be okay if your partner went out for drinks with the opposite gender?” the writer asked.
“Had this convo at work with a group of colleagues today and was surprised to hear the split views on this especially in a conservative country like Singapore.
Many don’t seem to find it problematic if their partner goes out for drinks with a friend of the opposite gender (not a group setting, one-on-one).” The writer then gave the floor to Singaporeans on the forum to get more opinions on the matter.
People seemed to have a mixed response, with some not having any issues with it and others seeing it as a problem. Still, a few argue that it’s on a case-to-case basis.
Singaporeans divided on the issue
“I think it’s healthy to have friends of both the same and opposite genders beyond work colleagues and especially so if you are married or in serious relationships,” said one.
“These are people who can provide perspective and counsel when you have issues.”
Others stressed the importance of trust, which is the foundation of any relationship, with one saying, “In the context of a serious relationship, I think we should be trusting enough not to cast doubts.
At the same time, flip the coin over, don’t put yourself in a situation where your partner’s trust is tested.”
On the other hand, some looked at the issue on a deeper level. “Taken at face value, the act of hanging out one-on-one with the opposite gender is no big deal,” one pointed out.
“But if there are insecurity/trust issues involved, then the couple should acknowledge them and really have an honest talk and try to understand how their own past actions and behaviours have (led) to this and take responsibility to address them.
Take the insecurity as a symptom of a deeper problem which needs to be solved together before carrying on with these kinds of social activities.
Every couple is unique and the worst thing one could do is to impose what society thinks is okay (one-on-one or not) on the partner without diving deep to understand the conflicted feelings.
Each has a responsibility to make their partner feel safe after all.”
A few blatantly rejected the idea. “No bro,” said one. “Group setting okay but one-on-one? I don’t care if the girl says I am insecure.”
What do experts say?
According to a relationship counselling service provider, opposite-gender friendships can be challenging for couples to work around. This is because two different perspectives must be considered.
To avoid issues, it is important for couples to communicate how they feel about certain things and set boundaries both parties agree to stick to.
For the partner with the opposite gender friendship, they must keep their partner feeling safe by being trustworthy.
On the other hand, the partner outside of this friendship would do well to work through whatever hidden insecurities or even jealousy may be triggered.
However, both parties must work together and support one another instead of tackling the issue aggressively and defensively.
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