SINGAPORE: Confused that her husband is still secretive after ten years of marriage, she took to social media to ask others if she should be concerned about his behaviour.

“He’s always been secretive about his phone (has never told me the password and makes it a big deal for me to even use it),” the woman wrote on Reddit.

“I have asked him to show me his visa transactions to see what we are spending our money on, and he has flat out refused.” 

The woman also recounted how her husband would react with anger and gaslighting whenever she requested to see his phone, going so far as calling her a “freak.” 

This behaviour led her to suspect that he might be hiding something suspicious, possibly infidelity, on his phone.

“Is this something I should stay mad about and refuse to back down on? I feel so stupid that this fight has gone on for a week now, and I’m not sure what to do at this point.”

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“If he is gaslighting you like this, you need to think twice about continuing this marriage”

In the comments section, the Redditors stated that they would be extremely concerned if they were in her position because they found it troubling that crucial information about finances was being withheld.

One Redditor commented, “If he is gaslighting you like this, you need to think twice about continuing this marriage.

If he doesn’t want you to see his phone for something as simple as financial transactions, then there is most likely more going on. I would either demand to see everything or tell him you’re rethinking the relationship. See how he responds to that.”

While another commented, “Something IS wrong, although we can not tell what it is, but this is very alarming and nothing you can ignore.”

A few others also speculated that her husband might be gambling, using drugs, or having a second family. 

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One Redditor added, “Cheating suspicions aside, finances in a relationship should absolutely be open. If you don’t want to share finances, that’s fine, but you should absolutely be free to see 100% of what your spouse spends their money on.”

Still, others gave her husband the benefit of the doubt and stated that perhaps he simply did not want to share how he spent his money with her.

One Redditor advised, “Why not just start from scratch, work out a budget for you both, and go from there.

So long as you both put enough money into a joint account to pay for mortgages and bills, there shouldn’t be any need for you to see his Visa bill. A little bit of independence even when married is healthy.”

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