SINGAPORE: A Singaporean mum recently sought advice online after her son experienced bullying at school.
“Parents of Singapore, how do you teach your kids to deal with bullies / potential bullies?” the woman wrote on r/askSingapore on Tuesday (May 21).
In her post, she described how some students at her son’s school have recently shown aggressive behaviour, such as punching and kicking other students. Unfortunately, her son has been the target of their violence on multiple occasions.
“He has always reported it to the teachers and it has always been dealt with,” she said. “So far, my kiddo has no wound or anything like that – so I didn’t get involved further.”
However, she took this as a “teaching moment” and told him that if their aggressive behaviour persisted, he should firmly warn the bully or aggressor and even retaliate if necessary.
“I told my son to hit back if the aggressive friend keeps hitting him and told him if his teacher punishes / scolds him, I will have his back. But he will get worse punishment from me if he ever lays the first punch on his friends.”
Her husband, however, disagreed with this approach. He suggested involving authorities from the outset and believed that responding with physical force would only escalate matters.
“I find this difference very interesting, so I wanted to see how other parents approach this.”
“I fully agree with retaliating. Never initiate, but always retaliate.”
In the comments section, most of the Singaporean Redditors agreed with the mum’s approach since the authorities or teachers won’t always be there to monitor the situation.
They stated that her son should do whatever it takes to defend himself, even if that means using violence.
One Redditor commented, “I fully agree with retaliating. Never initiate, but always retaliate, then de-escalate to send a clear message that you’re not interested in prolonging the conflict.”
Many people believed this approach was also better because reporting the incidents to authorities would only backfire on him, portraying him as a “tattle-tale” and potentially inviting more bullying.
Several Redditors also mentioned that their advice might vary depending on the child’s gender. For a girl, they would advise seeking help from teachers. However, for a boy, they would suggest standing up and defending himself.
Nevertheless, some Redditors disagreed, arguing that violence is never the right solution. One Redditor cautioned that encouraging a victim to fight back could lead to conflict spiralling out of control.
She added, “I have seen cases where the victims choose to hit their bully physically, and the bullies just doubled down on hitting back as well.
When violence becomes an easy solution to problems, we basically encourage thug and gangster behaviour.”
Read related: Victims of bullying share their stories to help SG Redditor overcome secondary school trauma
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