SINGAPORE: A woman recently posed a thought-provoking question on social media: Is it a deal breaker if you’re madly in love with your partner, but their one condition for marriage and moving into your new BTO flat is that their mother moves in with you too?
In her post on r/askSingapore, she elaborated that her partner’s mum is relatively young and smart, around 50 years old, while she and her partner are in their 30s. She also mentioned that the reason behind her partner’s condition seems to be the fact that his mum is a single parent.
She asked others in the online forum, “Would you live with your MIL if your partner wants to? (SG/Asian culture)?”
“Absolutely not. You may think it’ll be fine but I strongly discourage it.”
The woman received a variety of responses in the comments, with some people flat-out saying they’d never agree to live with their mother-in-law, no matter how much they loved their partner.
A big concern was that agreeing to this setup could turn their partner into a full-blown “mummy’s boy.” They worried he might become overly dependent on his mother, leaving her to handle most of the household responsibilities. This would mean the woman would be stuck dealing with both the challenges of living with her mother-in-law and taking care of most of the household chores on her own.
One netizen cautioned, “Absolutely not. You may think it’ll be fine but I strongly discourage it. Whatever impression you may have regarding your future MIL right now is probably superficial at best. Living together is a whole different ball game altogether.
Also if your husband is a mummy’s boy, he will most likely not stand up for you if you ever get into conflicts with your MIL.”
Another commented, “No it’s better not to. Once you invite them to stay, even if you change your mind later you can’t get them to leave without feelings being hurt. Especially if it’s an elderly MIL. If your partner likes to interact with her mum is ok to visit, but not stay.”
Others chimed in to the discussion to share their experiences, hoping that it could help the woman make a decision.
One netizen recounted, “I was living at my husband’s family home after we got married and before we got our own place. I often felt like an outsider in my own marriage because my husband would almost never stand up for me whenever my mil had something negative to say about me. “
Another wrote, “In-law issues tore up my marriage and we separated for a while (long story as to how we eventually reconciled). Mind you, my mil is actually a very soft-spoken woman so you’d think we wouldn’t have any issues, right?”
On the contrary, a few people offered a different perspective, suggesting that not all mother-in-laws are as problematic as they’re often portrayed.
Based on their personal experiences, living with their partner’s mother actually turned out to be a positive arrangement. They found that their mother-in-law was quite helpful, taking on responsibilities such as childcare and assisting with household chores.
One netizen who agreed to her partner’s wish to have his mother move in said “To be honest I feel lucky to have her around as she loves to cook and I get to have home cooked food almost daily.”
Another explained, “It’s all subjective. My mil is a wonderful woman and I love having having her around. Couples need to figure out having personal space and also being near family.”
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