Help! My mum doesn’t like my girlfriend because she’s tall and looks like high-maintenance

SINGAPORE: A 29-year-old Singaporean man crowdsourced for relationship advice recently, saying that his mother doesn’t like his girlfriend.

In a post on r/SingaporeRaw, a Reddit online forum, on Wednesday (Sept 4), the Singaporean wrote that he and his girlfriend, 28, have been together for a year and have begun to discuss marriage.

However, his girlfriend raised concerns over the man’s mother because his mother doesn’t seem to like her son’s choice of a partner.

He explained that when he first introduced his girlfriend to his mum, his girlfriend brought some traditional sweets, which the mum rejected. When the mum said that no one wanted to eat the sweets, the man, while taken aback, asked his mother to just accept them.

In another incident, the man’s mother cooked dinner for him but not for his girlfriend, telling her to get her own dinner alone.

When he asked his mum if she had troubles with his girlfriend, his mum said she didn’t like the younger woman because “she’s tall and looks high maintenance.”

The man described his girlfriend as down to earth, explaining that, on the contrary, his girlfriend doesn’t ask for expensive gifts, and neither does she expect him to pay for anything.

“What would you do if you’re in this situation?” he asked, explaining in an edit to his post that since his father is no longer around and his brother is abroad, he is all his mum has.

The Independent Singapore looked into what the experts say can be done in this situation.

In a piece in Psychology Today, Dr Abigail Brenner underlined how important communication is for the good of all the relationships involved. In other words, to overcome this type of hurdle, all parties need to be open and honest.

She also said that boundaries are very important. At the very least, people must treat each other respectfully and civilly even when they don’t seem to get along.

If the man’s mother says she loves her son, she should keep her hostilities in check and behave decently toward his partner, even if only out of consideration for his feelings.

Another piece of advice she gave is to spend time separately with his mother and his girlfriend,

“Make sure you carve out one-on-one time with your mother so that there is continuity with the family you grew up with because whatever you shared with your family of origin needs to be honoured,” she advised.  /TISG

Read also: Woman asks, “How do you deal with mother-in-law who wants to know everything she does with her fiancé?”