Couples in a 50/50 relationship: Do you split household work and mental load as well?

SINGAPORE: After an online user asked couples who practise a 50/50 relationship dynamic if they apply the same principles to household work and mental loads, many Singaporeans took to the comments section of the post to share their insights on the relationship question.

The 50/50 principle in relationships revolves around the idea that one person does their part and the other does their equal share. On Tuesday (Jan 7), an online user took to a forum to ask for the insights of other Singaporeans.

50/50 relationships

“For couples in a 50/50 relationship, do you split the household workload and mental load 50/50 as well, beyond just finances?” he wrote. “Honestly, I’m just curious because I’ve noticed two schools of thought on this. Most people who talk about a 50/50 relationship focus only on finances. But what about the household and the invisible mental load—assuming you don’t have kids?

“FYI: I don’t believe in 50/50. To me, a relationship or marriage is a partnership between two people, and partnerships aren’t about splitting everything down the middle all the time.”

Many took to the comments section of the post to share their two cents on the matter. While some shared how they practise the 50/50 principle in their relationships, others argued that such a dynamic is problematic.

“Household chores, we can both do it and if we spend it’s 50/50, everything is 50/50,” said one.

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Differing opinions on the 50/50 principle

“We don’t follow 50/50 at all, instead it depends on who has the time and energy,” said another. “I earn more so I pay the bulk of our expenses. I also work from home so I do the bulk of the chores. Marriage is a partnership but also unconditional. You don’t take a ruler and draw the line at 50/50.”

“50/50 is not equitable really,” wrote a third. “If you earn 2x as your partner, you’re not splitting fairly. That’s just finances. If you’re better at ironing, cleaning, cooking, financial planning, travel programmes, grocery shopping, or looking for renovation contractors.”

Others gave examples of how they divide certain aspects of their relationships, such as one who wrote: “Finance 50/50, housekeeping 80/20, cooking 0/100, I’m not sure how to quantify the mental load but I’m definitely more chill, which is probably a personality thing. No need to split everything in the middle, I enjoy cooking and she enjoys house chores, for example.”

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A few shared deeper insights as well. “I think it’s important to play to each other’s strength between partners,” one said. Another questioned how people can divide a mental load.

According to Hey Simply, love understands that in relationships, it’s not all the time everything will have perfect balance. When true partnership is in play, there is a mutual understanding that at times, one will have to carry a bit more when the other can’t. In fact, one of the issues with the 50/50 mindset when it comes to relationships is that it makes the relationship more centred on fairness and equality than partnership. This, in turn, can turn love into a contest. Healthy relationships are a support system.