Marriages and relationships are hard work, and they need constant effort, forgiveness and letting go of grudges to make it last, but by the time you’ve reached your 40s, relationships could’ve lost their spark as partners have taken each other for granted as work takes precedence and life has taken over. You fail to communicate well and grudges gradually build up till you turn bitter and the relationship is poisoned, but this doesn’t mean that you don’t miss the initial spark you felt when you were a newlywed couple.
If your once-joyous relationship has now turned into squabbles, bitterness or just avoiding one another, you need to work on building healthy friendships with your partner that are typically the foundation of romantic connections. Remember the lengthy discussions, romantic picnics, casual walks, infinite adventures and joy you had together when you and your partner were in the initial stages of your relationship?
Then, somewhere along the way, you lost sight of that friendship in the hustle and bustle of married life. Unfortunately, without a strong friendship, the flames of passion have died out in your marriage. In an interview with HT Lifestyle, Sheetal Shaparia, Life Coach, Astrologer and Tasseographe, suggested these tips for bringing back the initial spark in your 40s:
1. Be more attentive – This doesn’t call for a grand gesture. Start where you are standing and, with what you have, listen to them. We love talking and putting our thoughts and theories across. Halt that and pay attention to your partner.
2. Don’t pick on your partner – Once you get into the habit of nit-picking over tiny details, the relationship sours quickly. Don’t pick on every mistake your partner makes. Have conversations over issues that need to be solved, and let go of issues that are not that significant.
3. Spend quality time together – Most people believe that living together and spending time is the same thing. You can spend all the time in the world with someone and still be disconnected. Start by going for a walk together, watching a movie, doing chores, exercising together, or simply having a special meal.
4. Pursue individual interests – Don’t get lost in fulfilling your commitment to the relationship. You are still you. Pursue your hobbies and have your own identity and friends.
5. Be more intimate – Research shows that active sex life does make a happier relationship. Moreover, be intimate with your partner emotionally, be connected, and be vulnerable. This means letting go of grudges and working on your relationship every day and prioritising it.
Bringing his expertise to the same, Hussain Minawala, Founder of Beyond Thoughts, Counsellor, Vastu Consultant and Sacred Geometry Expert, recommended a few easy things you might want to do if you really want to reignite the friendship and intimacy in your marriage. These are:
1. Share a laugh. Find methods to laugh together as much as possible! Laughter creates a light-hearted atmosphere in marriage, making both the husband and wife feel protected.
2. Take a keen interest in your spouse’s hobbies and interests. Despite the fact that we all have various likes and dislikes, there are moments when we should make an effort to indulge in what our spouse enjoys.
3. Place your phone on the table. We don’t often realise that being hooked to our phones or computer is robbing us of opportunities to communicate with one another. Our partner is deserving of our complete attention and eye contact.
4. Flirt with one another. Flirting is just as important in your 40s as it was when you first met. Perhaps even more.
5. Have a lot more sex. When the spark fades in a relationship, your sex life often goes with it. Sex is an important way of communication between partners. It’s one of the few things that’s truly ‘yours,’ especially if you have children.
6. Go on dates. Once a week or fortnight, try to set up a date with each other, even if you have to get creative with what a ‘date’ implies!
With these tips, you will be able to ignite your passion once again. When you pay attention to your partner and the relationship, it makes them loved and appreciated and in turn, they will make you feel the same way.
Life is tough, but a happy home makes it worthwhile. Remember, growing older does not, contrary to popular belief, mean the end of your romantic life. It is far from it!
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