28 yo man asks, ‘Am I wrong to only want to date and marry a girl that is financially equal or better?’

SINGAPORE: A 28-year-old man recently took to Reddit to ask, “Am I wrong as a guy to only want to date and marry a girl that is financially equal or better?”

Posting on the r/SingaporeRaw subreddit on Wednesday (March 26), he explained that his preference comes from a fear of financial struggles, as he grew up in poverty. He wrote, “I’ve experienced what it’s like to be poor and to be constantly pressured by my parents to ‘contribute’ to the household and make more money from a young age.

“I am fortunate enough to be working full-time after graduating from uni and also making money from the stock market; hence, my parents don’t pressure me anymore. However, I still feel insecure sometimes when I think about my younger, poorer days.”

Still, despite having no ill intentions, people told him that his expectations were simply “impossible” to achieve. They said to him, “Girls only want to date and marry guys who are richer than them, and as a man, we should be ok with marrying poorer girls and supporting them and their poor family.”

After hearing this, he admitted that the thought of having to financially support his partner, their kids, her family, and his own parents all on his own in the future felt really overwhelming—almost like a “nightmare”.

“It’s not wrong. I’m all for gender equality, but it’s very, very hard to find someone who thinks this way.”

In the comments, many Singaporean Redditors said there’s nothing wrong with wanting a financially stable partner since everyone has their own standards in a relationship. But they pointed out that a woman who’s financially independent and responsible would probably expect the same level of commitment in other areas of the relationship. This could mean sharing household responsibilities and childcare duties.

One Redditor added, “I wouldn’t say that’s wrong, as your past experiences have shaped your perspective. However, I believe it’s important to consider other aspects as well. What if, one day, that lady suddenly gets retrenched and has to settle for a lower-paying job? Would you then break up with her and look for someone new?

That’s why I believe non-material aspects, such as her personality and life goals, are equally important. After all, if you’re willing to work hard in life, there’s a higher likelihood that your salary will increase accordingly.”

Another pointed out, “It’s not wrong, I’m all for gender equality, but it’s very, very hard to find someone who thinks this way. Women still more or less expect men to earn more or contribute more financially.”

On the other hand, some users took a different stance. A few bluntly told him that if he was so concerned about financial burdens, maybe marriage wasn’t for him. 

One user wrote, “How about not getting married? That way, you don’t need to worry about the cost of raising a family, and just supporting yourself and your parents should be easy.

“My advice is don’t get into this habit of calculating every detail of your married life and treating it like how you treat your work. It is a bad habit that you’ll end up regretting, trust me on this. 

“When you pick up one end of a stick, you pick up the other end as well. Once you decide to marry someone, you go full monty. You must be mentally prepared to do whatever it takes to make it work.”

In other news, an employer shared on social media that her helper keeps breaking things around the house, even after being reminded multiple times to be careful.

In a post on the ‘Ask Singapore’ forum, she described her helper as a nice, sweet, and hardworking person. However, she also mentioned that the helper can be quite careless, as she has broken glasses, plates, and other small household items.

Read more: Employer says her maid keeps breaking things around the house, even after being reminded multiple times to be careful

Featured image by Depositphotos (for illustration purposes only)