SINGAPORE: A 22-year-old woman shared on social media that she wanted to distance herself from her toxic family members. She then asked Singaporeans, “How do I get a house, $1.5k is my average pay after CPF deduction cuz I really work hard (fridays-sundays) to the point where I do not really have time to maintain relationships with friends anymore.”
The woman also shared that she previously harmed herself, and when her dad found out, he dragged her to the window and asked her to jump off. He also said something along the lines of, “If you want to die, hurry up.”
“Ofc after that I just hid in a room and cry, and he came and apologise, and I think I have a pretty stable mental state now. But whenever my family in particular says something hurtful, I breakdown really badly,” the woman wrote on r/askSingapore on Sunday (Feb 18).
She also admitted to being beaten with a cane when she was younger, although she doesn’t consider herself to have been abused. The issue now was that her parents were trying to impose the concept of “filial piety” on her.
“I won’t elaborate further on this but I feel that it’s toxic enough for me to want to move out(I have this idea since I’m like 16) I want to pay for my uni fees myself so they can’t kidnap me morally, and becuz they have pretty good income I can’t apply for financial aid,” the woman added.
She also tried applying for a hostel, which costs less than S$500 per month, however, she couldn’t get it due to the “allocation requirements.”
“I really want a place of my own to live, and in fact that idea kept me alive for years. I would be perfectly happy if it’s a single room unit which I can have cats and live with, that’s my life goal(kinda sad, don’t judge me plz) I’m really scared of rs seeing how my parents are and failed cases around me…” the woman said.
“There are a multitude of issues you will need to address, from self sufficiency to finances”
Many gave her advice on what to do. One Redditor said, “The problem that plagues all single Singaporeans without a silver spoon.
To add on, if you seriously want to rent, do consider that there are a multitude of issues you will need to address, from self sufficiency to finances.
Another option is to cohabit which is similar to rental but less strain on your finances. The flip side is that you are stuck with inhabitants who may or may not be a boon.
Also, as much as marriage is seen as a checklist to getting a home, don’t jump into it just to move out. Too many instances (which is becoming the norm) where people marry just for that reason.”
Another Redditor, however, contradicted the suggestion of renting a room, saying, “A little bit out of reach for renting a room.
For $1.5k income, after CPF, food, phone bill, insurance, that will leave you with $600-$700. Probably a shared room with another room mate.”
A few Redditors also advised her to stay in their house and spend as much time away from her family as possible, whether it be for work or studies, save aggressively, and increase her earning potential.
One Redditor said that if the “toxic situation” was still bearable, she should just ‘tahan and concentrate on her studies,’ adding:
“Graduate with good grades, learn as much as you can, and land a good job that will let you earn exponentially better than 1.5k. Then you will have better options for rental housing.”
In similar news, a young man asked for help on social media earlier this month after getting chased out of their house.
“(I) just had the biggest fight with my parent. It developed suddenly,” he shared. “Said things that were bottled up for years. And I feel like this might be it. The last straw. I won’t be surprised to return tomorrow to find the locks changed.”
Read related: “Chased out of the house, what now?” — Young man turns to Singaporeans for advice