22yo man in NS “feels very lonely” because he’s “often left out” by others

SINGAPORE: A 22-year-old man in NS says he “feels very lonely” and asks fellow Singaporeans: “How do you guys form close friendships?”

“I noticed a lot my friends on IG stories are having fun and getting invited to their other friends house for gathering. I do have friends; it is just that I am always considered the ‘second’ option if you get what I mean. All of them already has their close friends from somewhere. Most of my time after weekend are spent alone at home as well,” the man shared on r/SGexams on Sunday (Feb 18).

He also stated that even in the army, he is often excluded from “talk c**k sessions” due to his quiet demeanour.

“Is it just me that feel this way? Need some advice,” the man wrote.

“Meet people who share common interests either online or offline”

The man’s post ignited a discussion on the forum, where many people shared their stories and opinions and gave him advice.

One Redditor with the same character as the man said, “Growing up, due to my reserved nature, I was obviously seen as a really quiet and boring person. Maybe even moody or antisocial to some because I do have a poker face.

Anyways, I’ve come to accept myself for who I am. And I think just like relationships, friendships can’t be forced. It’s responsibility on my part to show to others the kind of person I am, trustworthy, honest, hardworking, positive, friendly, simple and funny at times.

But if nobody can see it, it’s out of my control. I just do my best, act my best, and always hope that someone will see me for the value I can bring.”

Another Redditor also advised him to “Meet people who share common interests either online or offline. Sign up for group classes or find a part-time job for things that you’re interested in.”

One Redditor also offered a unique suggestion, saying, “Hey, I totally feel you here. When I was in this phase last time, I watched the show Brooklyn 99 and became much more confident when I thought of Jake (one of the main guys) every time I talk to people. Maybe you should try it too! (Totally not a promo for the show)”

A fourth Redditor commented, “I was in the same boat as you, but as I grew, I’ve also come to terms with the fact that friendships are a temporary thing, and it doesn’t matter if I get invited or not. It’s better to have a very small circle of close friends with whom you can share your troubles rather than a big friend group where you don’t feel involved in.”

In related news, a woman shared on social media last year that she only has three friends and that as she gets older, she feels even more lonely because her only friends prefer to go out with their partners.

In an anonymous post on the popular confessions page NUSWhispers, the woman stated that she has always admired people who belong to large cliques and have large friend groups. “I’m sure it must feel nice to have that same group of friends you can always randomly ask out/ have known you long enough etc.”

Read more: Woman says she only had 3 friends, and as she ages, she feels more lonely because now her friends prefer to go out with their partners

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