In a society where actions often speak louder than words, expressing affection verbally remains a challenge for many Singaporeans. The phrase “I love you” is not often heard, even within families, where unspoken forms of love, such as serving food or running errands, are more common.
This unvoiced love can feel out of sync with the more emotionally expressive media that Singaporeans consume, leaving many wondering whether there’s a disconnect between what people truly desire and what they feel comfortable saying.
A culture of silence and the reluctance to say “I love you”
An article published by the Straits Times eloquently discussed Singapore’s reserved and action-oriented culture and how the words “I love you” are infrequent. The notion of love tends to be conveyed through acts like cooking a meal or giving practical gifts. However, this pattern isn’t isolated to Singapore alone; across Asia, emotional expressiveness is often lower than in more individualistic Western cultures, where open declarations of love are more common. This can leave people yearning for a deeper connection without the tools to express it.
The prevalence of humour around this topic, such as satirical TikTok videos mocking Singaporean parents for avoiding verbal affection, speaks to a cultural reality many people feel but rarely articulate. Local online forums are filled with questions from Singaporeans looking for alternative ways to show love, revealing a growing desire for a different kind of emotional connection.
The hidden price of withholding love
The reluctance to express love verbally may carry social and emotional costs, including feelings of isolation. According to a 2023 Institute of Policy Studies survey, a significant portion of the population—especially young adults—reported feeling lonely, a sentiment that mirrors global concerns about social isolation. The World Health Organization has even classified loneliness as a “global public health concern,” linking it to detrimental health outcomes like dementia and stroke.
Despite this, experts suggest that Singapore’s busyness plays a more prominent role in emotional disconnect than cultural norms alone. Sociologists argue that work-life imbalance and the pressures of modern life make it difficult for many Singaporeans to connect emotionally. This lack of downtime, coupled with a culture that often prioritizes duty over open affection, contributes to the growing sense of emotional distance.
Generational shifts and redefining how affection is shown
Although Singaporeans tend to shy away from verbal expressions of love, there’s a noticeable shift among younger generations. Many are determined to break the cycles of traditional, authoritarian parenting that did not model emotional openness. Instead, a growing number of young parents are adopting “gentle parenting,” which emphasizes creating deep emotional connections with their children rather than simply fulfilling duties or providing material goods.
Therapists and relationship experts note that this generational difference is creating new spaces for emotional expression, even if those expressions aren’t always verbal. Theresa Pong, a local counsellor, describes how she and her family express their affection through subtle gestures like drawing hearts on each other’s palms or leaving loving notes in unexpected places. These small acts are paving the way for future generations to cultivate more emotionally connected relationships.
The power of words – Is saying “I love you” enough?
While many Singaporeans prefer to show love through actions, experts agree that verbal affirmations carry unique power. Saying “I love you” directly can bridge the gap between assumed love and expressed love, offering emotional vulnerability and deepening intimacy. This is especially important in romantic and familial relationships, where communication plays a pivotal role in maintaining connection.
Divorce lawyer Clement Yap and other relationship specialists stress that one of the key reasons couples break up is the inability to communicate openly and express love. While actions can demonstrate care, words provide clarity and emotional confirmation that cannot be misinterpreted. As psychologist Dr Kenneth Tan explains, “Real-time responsiveness”—the act of showing up for loved ones emotionally—matters just as much as expressing affection through words.
For those hesitant to speak those three words, it’s important to remember that verbalizing love is a skill that can be developed over time. Like any other form of communication, it requires practice and awareness, especially for those who may not have received these affirmations in their own upbringing.
Beyond words: Balancing action and vulnerability
The challenge of verbalizing love is compounded by a cultural hesitancy towards emotional vulnerability. Saying the words “I love you” puts one in a position of emotional risk, a notion many are hesitant to embrace. Yet, as relationship expert Winifred Ling points out, this vulnerability is an integral part of building meaningful connections.
In a society that values action and pragmatism, there is still much to be gained by combining words with deeds. While offering gifts or doing things for others are tangible ways to show love, expressing affection verbally—especially when not expected—can forge a deeper emotional bond that might otherwise remain unacknowledged.
The need for emotional connection is universal, and while Singapore’s culture may continue to prioritize actions over words, there is room for growth. As more people seek ways to bridge the emotional gap through language, there is hope that the phrase “I love you” will become more than just words—it will become an invitation to deeper understanding and closeness.