SINGAPORE: A National University of Singapore (NUS) professor has weighed in with his thoughts after a woman shared on social media that her husband prefers to unwind with a platonic female friend instead of her.
In an anonymous post on the NUSWhispers Facebook page, the woman explained that her husband met this female friend at work around the same time they bought an apartment together last year.
Over the months, she said that their friendship grew, and they began spending more time together outside of work.
She wrote, “They have been meeting weekly for drinks and hanging out together. They also text after work and over the weekend.”
Feeling uneasy, she asked her husband to reduce his interactions with his female friend. However, he brushed off her concerns, insisting that the two of them are just close friends and nothing more.
He reassured her that they would never cross any boundaries and explained that he spends time with his female friend only because ‘he feels comfortable with her and enjoys her company.’
Despite her husband’s reassurances, the woman couldn’t shake off her discomfort with the situation.
“Friends have been telling me he should respect my feelings and if it makes me uncomfortable then he should limit the meet ups. But at the same time, I trust him that nothing is going on between them and I’m overthinking things,” she said
Seeking opinions from netizens, she asked whether they would allow their partners to regularly hang out and have drinks with someone of the opposite gender.
Prof Ben: “I would not do things that cause my wife to be uncomfortable.”
Weighing in on the woman’s dilemma, NUS Professor Ben Leong said that her friends are right in suggesting her husband should consider her feelings and lessen his meet-ups with his platonic female friend if they’re making her uneasy.
He added, “I would not do things that cause my wife to be uncomfortable. This is not so much a matter of trust but whether he actually cares for how you feel. Proffy wishes you well.”
Other netizens echoed this sentiment, saying that if a man truly loves his wife, he will not do anything to hurt her or do things that could potentially ruin their marriage.
A few also commented that her husband is micro-cheating, a term that refers to acts of seemingly small, inappropriate behaviors that occur outside of one’s relationship or marriage.
One netizen pointed out that meeting up with a supposed “friend” on a weekly basis is quite unusual for just a friendship. She added that how her husband responded to her concerns showed exactly how he felt about her.
Brushing off her worries could indicate that he values his interactions with this other person more than he values her feelings, which is concerning in a committed relationship. She went on to say, “Personally, I believe if you are in a r/s, your partner must be able to give you a sense of security….otherwise, why bother.”
Another netizen also said that she wouldn’t be okay with her partner regularly spending time with another woman, let alone chat with her frequently as this is the point where infidelity starts. She also said that everything begins with a “friendship” and anything can potentially evolve from that point.
She then left the woman some advice, writing, “Trust your sixth sense as it is trying to protect you. Let him know your feelings and concerns. Otherwise, it is not possible for you to stay with someone like that for the rest of your life.”
A third netizen shared that she and her husband of two years do not meet a friend of the opposite sex alone, only in group settings. She also mentioned that her husband only texts 3 women regularly, his mother, his sister and his boss as “he didn’t want to make her feel insecure.”
She added, “If your fiance/boyfriend still meets the opposite sex despite you telling him not to, and you really feel lousy, unfortunately it’s better for you to walk out.”