SINGAPORE: A woman shared on social media that her husband’s mother became upset with her son after he sent her $8,000 instead of $10,000.
“She wants to upgrade her house in her home country because she is going back there for vacation with my husband’s sister, and she was asking my husband for money (10k) and my husband told her that he only could give her 8k (even though he ended up sending her 10k without her knowing yet),” the woman shared on r/askSingapore.
However, while her husband was in the shower, she heard his mother talking to her daughter on the phone, saying, “Why only 8k?! He works a lot and he can only send 8k?”
After hearing this, the woman said she felt so disappointed in her mother-in-law.
It also dawned on her at that point why her mother-in-law always complained and made “snarky comments” whenever they went out to eat. It was perhaps because she wanted them to “save all their money so they could readily give it to her and their relatives when they needed money.”
“She, as my husband’s mom, should know how hard my husband works and they don’t feel grateful that my husband even bothers to help them without question… and this is how she talks about him behind his back when my husband is the only one taking care of her (bringing her to doctor appointments, picking up her prescriptions from the pharmacy) and none of her other kids bothered with her,” the woman added.
For context, she also stated in the post that her mother-in-law was a Filipina, and her husband earned $200,000 annually.
“It has to be your husband’s responsibility to reject, set healthy boundaries”
In the comments section, a number of Singaporean Redditors stepped up to support her and gave her advice on what to do.
One Redditor commented, “I know it’s not easy, but it has to be your husband’s responsibility to reject and set healthy boundaries regarding monetary support/ gifts.
You should be his priority now. He should take these things up with you first for discussion and make a decision mutually. I think that’s only respectable to do since you’re his wife.”
While another Redditor said, “Man, we all know someone like that…but monster MILs are a pain, always. Be the better person here, don’t do anything in spite.
The real resolution depends on your husband, tbh it’s not as straightforward nor an easy thing to deal with, but ultimately your husband will have to make a hard choice, i’d imagine.”
One Redditor also asked the woman why she didn’t discuss things with her husband before marriage, writing, “When you marry someone, you also marry their family. Don’t think this will change unless your mother-in-law got her own place.”
Marriage advise
Before tying the knot with your partner, it is important to discuss whether co-habiting with your mother-in-law is really in the relationship’s best interests, as not seeing eye-to-eye over this matter may lead to problems down the road.
It’s also crucial to know how much control your mother-in-law has over your partner and whether you are comfortable with it, as these kinds of issues are considered “deal breakers” by many women.
For instance, one woman last year expressed regret about her marriage because her domineering mother-in-law ultimately turned her husband against her.