SINGAPORE: “Am I wrong as a guy?” A 28-year-old man turned to an online forum on Wednesday (March 26), seeking dating advice and questioning whether he was wrong to only want to date and marry a woman who is his financial equal—or better.
The man admitted that those he has shared his preferences with haven’t been very encouraging. “Some people I told feel that it is impossible for me to find a partner like this,” he said. “Some have told me that girls only want to date and marry guys that are richer than them and that as a man, we should be okay with marrying poorer girls and supporting them and their poor families.”
He then explained that his preferences stem from childhood experiences with financial hardship and the pressure to earn money from a young age. “My reason for setting these two criteria is because I’ve experienced what it’s like to be poor and constantly pressured by my parents to ‘contribute’ to the household and make more money since I was young,” he shared.
Despite now having a stable income, the financial insecurity of his past still lingers. “I am fortunate enough to be working in a full-time job after graduating from uni and also making money from the stock market; hence, my parents don’t pressure me anymore,” he said. “However, I still feel insecure sometimes when I think about my younger, poorer days and I would want to try my best to avoid falling into a financially burdened life. I feel that even with my above-average total income from my job and stocks, I can barely afford to support (only) myself.”
He also expressed fears about the financial strain of supporting a partner. “It seems it would be a nightmare if I had to pay for everything for my partner and even potentially support her family,” he said. “Plus I have to raise kids and may even have to support my parents as well in the future.”
Seeking clarity, he turned to Singaporeans for their take on whether he was being unreasonable for holding such standards in a significant other. In response to his question, many agreed that he was entitled to his own preferences.
Adult perceptions of money formed in childhood
According to Just Us Inc., most adults’ beliefs about money are shaped by their childhood experiences, with financial attitudes forming as early as age eight. These early impressions often carry over into adulthood, influencing everything from money mindsets and financial literacy to spending and saving habits.
Your upbringing shapes your financial mindset. Growing up in a household where money is scarce can lead to a scarcity mindset, making you anxious about finances and stressing over the thought of not having enough. In contrast, those raised in financially stable homes are more likely to develop a healthier, more abundant outlook, viewing money with less stress and more confidence.
As for spending habits, early financial experiences also influence how you spend as an adult. Those from frugal households may either become extremely cautious with money or, conversely, overspend to compensate for past deprivation. On the other hand, individuals raised with responsible budgeting practices are more likely to adopt similar financial habits, prioritising balanced spending and saving.
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