SINGAPORE: Singaporeans online recently shared on an online forum that they do not mind if their partners have friends of the opposite gender.
The conversation started after one user asked on r/askSingapore on Wednesday (Sep 18), “Assuming as we are Asians and likely less open, what are your thoughts on opposite genders as friends if married or attached? Generally curious about the thoughts of Singaporeans when it comes to your partners.
“Including things like daily communication (texting etc), going out together (alone or with a group), old friend or new friend alike.”
Interestingly, the user shared some insights from her own experience, mentioning that when she asked the people around her, men generally seemed fine with their wives or girlfriends having male friends. They didn’t view it as a threat or a problem.
Women, on the other hand she said, had a different perspective. Several expressed that they were uncomfortable if their husbands or boyfriends maintained close contact with a female friend, especially if there was frequent communication involved.
“If you don’t trust your partner, then you have much bigger issues than who he/she socializes with.”
In the discussion thread, both men and women surprisingly agreed that they don’t mind if their partners have friends of the opposite gender—as long as there are clear boundaries in place.
They also noted that opposite-gender friendships often existed before the relationship started, so trying to restrict them can seem controlling.
One individual said, “I have no problems with wife having opposite gender friends and vice versa. I’m of the belief that if you don’t trust your partner, then you have much bigger issues than who he/she socializes with.”
Another commented, “My wife still meets her male classmates from Uni, and I still go for my (co-ed) secondary school reunions. We trust each other and communicate openly. So I’m not sure why anyone would think it strange to meet friends of the opposite gender.”
A third individual shared, “I’ve no problems with my bf having friends of the opposite gender, including going drinking with them. If a guy wants to cheat, he will cheat no matter how much you try to police him. My bf has no issues with my guy friends either and even talks to them sometimes.”
There were, however, a few others who admitted they would still feel uneasy if their partner was frequently spending time alone with a friend of the opposite gender, particularly if the friendship seemed unusually close.
Some women mentioned that, even though they trust their partners, the idea of them getting emotionally close to a female friend sometimes makes them feel insecure.
One individual confessed, “If my husband is texting a female friend everyday, I will really question what is going on that he feels the need to be texting her.
“I have no issues if he goes on lunch/ dinner dates one on one with a female friend to catch up and occasional texting, but if it’s everyday then what’s going on? I don’t believe that I should be his only source of comfort but to be texting someone of the opposite gender daily is a big red flag.”
Another echoed this sentiment and said, “I personally think those always texting and going out type opposite gender bff to a married person is a bit of a red flag. Once someone is married, both the friend and the spouse have to prioritise the marriage rather than their friendship.”
A third individual added that she’s rather opposed to this kind of friendship because “most cases end up a fling.
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