SINGAPORE: Weddings are a time for love, celebration, and… awkward money talks. One Singaporean bride, deep in the trenches of wedding planning, turned to Reddit to settle a pressing question: Who should foot the bill for the big day? Should the groom cover everything? Should the bride chip in? Or should the couple split the costs in a way that works for both?
Posting on the r/askSingapore subreddit, she shared that she had always believed the groom should pay for the entire wedding. It was a belief she grew up with, as both her father and brother had done the same when they got married.
She also shared that a ‘bride chaperone’ once confirmed this for her, telling her: “It is known that guys pay for all wedding expenses, even the gown, makeup, hotel, angpao during the tea ceremony, etc.”
However, now that she was planning her own wedding, she began to question whether expecting her fiancé to cover all the expenses was truly fair.
Seeking insights from the community, she asked, “What do other couples getting married here do? Who pays for the wedding expenses? I plan to contribute by paying for home furnishings and the honeymoon, so I am not expecting him to cover every single big expense.”
“Most egalitarian couples split…”
Most Singaporeans in the thread agreed that couples today typically share wedding expenses. One person mentioned that as a married 31-year-old local Chinese man, he had never heard of the expectation that the groom should cover everything.
He added, “All of my married friends split the costs evenly, whether among the couple themselves or with help from their respective families. A marriage is an equal partnership; if you don’t even enter it on equal terms, what does that say about your future together?”
Another commented, “Nowadays both parties contribute la. Gender equality and all of that.”
Others, however, pointed out that how wedding costs are handled ultimately depends on the couple’s beliefs and the structure of their relationship.
One said, “Most egalitarian couples split. This means both working, both do housework, and both share expenses. If incomes are not equal, they usually split according to the proportion of their income.
But if your relationship is more of a patriarchal relationship with old gender norms, and you see your husband as the provider type, then in these relationships, the financial burden rests heavily on the groom.”
Another wrote, “This is for you and your fiancé to agree on. Doesn’t matter what other couples do.”
Wedding expenses
So, who traditionally paid for weddings in the past? The answer might surprise you.
According to Tagvenue and Honeyfund, it wasn’t traditionally the groom or his family who covered the wedding costs in Singapore, but rather the bride’s family. This practice stemmed from the idea that the bride’s family was responsible for sending her off into marriage.
However, times have changed. As gender roles evolved and financial independence became the norm for both men and women, this long-standing tradition has gradually faded.
Today, most couples prefer to split the expenses evenly or contribute based on their financial capabilities.
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