SINGAPORE: Modern couples nowadays tend to be more open when splitting bills, as women have now caught up in earning power.
However, a gentleman in Singapore recently raised a rather thought-provoking question: how sustainable or realistic would it be to roll back the clock and return to those old-school days when men were expected to pay for everything?
In a post on r/askSingapore, the 29-year-old man shared that he met a lovely girl and had a fascinating discussion about relationship and marriage expectations.
The girl mentioned growing up in a traditional family where her father shouldered all the financial responsibilities. As a result, she expects her future partner to do the same.
“In her eyes, a man needs to be able to provide financially and to simply put it, a man needs to be able to pay for everything in the family.
This includes housing, food, bills, holidays, child expenses and the list goes on. The few exceptions are things such as personal spa treatment or leisure activities that she indulges in, she can pay on her own,” the man wrote.
While he fully respects the girl’s perspective, acknowledging that this mindset was common in the older generation, he’s curious about how many couples in his age group still follow this model.
“I wonder how many couples are doing this (where the man pays for everything)” he said. “Let’s leave out the part where a woman is pregnant or she has devoted all her time to be a mum/ housewife. I can see that a man has to pay in this situation.”
“This lady sounds like she’s just looking for a free meal ticket.”
In the discussion thread, many agreed that it’s neither logical nor sustainable for a man to pay for everything unless he was born with a silver spoon.
While the man could offer to cover more costs, expecting him to pay for every expense is excessive and impractical in today’s economic climate.
Several users pointed out that if a woman is unable to work because she’s pregnant, a full-time mother, or dealing with health issues, it would be reasonable for the man to step up and take on the financial responsibilities.
However, outside these scenarios, the consensus was that if the woman is working and earning money, contributions towards the relationship should be equal.
One user shared:
“If a girl tells me a guy should pay for everything, I’m going to rebut that we should then widen the gender wage gap – the guy should earn at least twice of the girl for the same job, in the same position in the same company, since he’s the one paying for everything in society anyway.
My ex shared the same view as your girl. I just told her straight that I’m not here to be a sugar daddy and subsequently broke up with her.”
Another user commented, “She sounds like a reincarnation of her grandmother? What will she do if the man of the house loses his job, is incapacitated?”
Others expressed that while single-income households are still possible in Singapore, the man would need to earn a substantial income to make it work.
Without a high income, they would likely have to settle for a much lower standard of living than the average dual-income household. When starting a family, a few users pointed out that a single-income family must make significant sacrifices.
Realistically, they might need to purchase a 2-3 room HDB flat, rely on hawker meals every day, forgo enrichment or tuition classes for their kids, and accept that low savings would limit their financial flexibility.
This also means the man wouldn’t be able to afford risky investments or consider quitting a job he dislikes, as the family’s financial stability would depend entirely on his income.
One user added:
“… a partner should be more focused on building the future together. It should be collaborative.
For example, when me and my wife bought our house last year, we did a spreadsheet of what is required to secure our dream home + renovation cost.
This lady sounds like she’s just looking for a free meal ticket. Avoid. Life is hard enough without the extra baggage.”
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