How to be assertive without being passive or aggressive, and effectively stay within the happy middle ground
Some of us may have a tendency to be passive-aggressive in our daily lives. Saying yes when we mean no can be a normal response for many people. Often this is something that is learnt from childhood as a coping mechanism to get our needs met, especially when dealing with domineering or volatile people whether it’s a parent or later on in life, a significant other.
Singapore’s new property tax targets ultra-rich — Analysts
Photo: Unsplash/ Mike Enerio (for illustration purposes only).
The Ministry of Finance announced an additional buyer’s stamp duty (ABSD) of 35 per cent last Sunday, analysts say this will hurt the ultra-wealthy. The ABSD applies to any transfer of residential property into a living trust and takes effect for transfers beginning from May 9 (Monday).
S$2,000 reward to anyone who finds missing dog: Layla, Shetland sheepdog, last seen at Bukit Merah bus stop
Photo: Fb screengrab/Francesca Alycia Yee
A woman is appealing for help in finding Layla, her Shetland Sheepdog, who was last seen at Block 201 Jalan Bukit Merah bus stop at 6:45 am on Tuesday, May 10.
Layla had just undergone surgery and was at a veterinarian’s office at Bukit Merah receiving after-surgery care when she went missing.
Woman receives hundreds of empty McD french fries cartons instead of McDonald’s breakfast order
Photo: TikTok screengrab/ illa_nocte
A woman who was already feeling stressed ordered breakfast at the McDonald’s Paya Lebar branch, only to receive a surprise. Instead of the sausage wrap and breakfast deluxe meal she ordered, she received a large plastic bag of cardboard containers for french fries.
And it would have been nice if these packages were full of delicious golden treats—as Ms Belicia, who goes by @illa_nocte on TikTok, would have likely greatly appreciated the stress-reliever.
Indian man sits next to Chinese woman in MRT, she then moves to another seat, man asks if this was “blatant prejudice?”
Facebook user Aristotle Motii Nandy highlighted a commuter who appeared to be Chinese in his post who moved away to another seat on an MRT train after he sat next to her. He said, “Blatant prejudice? I sat next to this person, and she shifted to another seat…”
The Police and the Land Transport Authority said in a joint statement on 10 May that they will be charging two men, the 61-year-old car driver and a 28-year-old car owner, for their suspected involvement in an incident which occurred at Red Swastika School on 11 January 2022.
The incident was captured on video where a man driving a white Bentley allegedly decided not to queue when he tried to enter Red Swastika School in early January. The school’s security officer attempted to divert him, but the driver accused him of causing a jam outside the school.
The Bentley driver is the grandfather of a pupil of the school. The security officer, 62, sustained minor injuries from the fracas.
Education Minister Chan Chun Sing in a Facebook post in January criticised the “unacceptable behaviour” of the driver for the “dangerous manoeuvres”.
“This is not the way we should behave towards our security and school personnel who are performing their duties to keep our schools and our children safe,” he said.
Law and Home Affairs Minister K Shanmugam said in April that the case has been referred to the public prosecutor for a decision on the appropriate course of action and that the police have completed investigations.
The Police said that on 11 January 2022 at about 11.40am, they received a report on a case involving a car driver who was allegedly endangering the safety of a security guard at the school.
On the same day, at about 3.35pm, the Police arrested the car driver for rash act causing hurt. Subsequent investigations by Police and LTA revealed that the vehicle’s number plate was purportedly altered, and the driver had driven the vehicle without insurance coverage.
The driver will be charged in court with the offence of rash act causing hurt, and for driving a vehicle without insurance coverage on 11 May 2022.
The owner of the vehicle involved, who is the driver’s son, will also be charged in court on 11 May 2022 with the offence of altering the licence plate number and permitting another individual to use a vehicle without insurance coverage.
The offence of rash act causing hurt carries a jail term of up to one year or a fine which may extend to $5,000, or both. Under the Road Traffic Act, those found to have altered their vehicles’ licence plate number may face a jail term of up to one year, or fine not exceeding $5,000, or both.
The offence of using or permitting the use of a vehicle without insurance carries a jail term of up to three months, or fine not exceeding $1,000, or both. In addition, offenders will be disqualified from holding or obtaining a driving licence for a period of 12 months from the date of the conviction.
Lim Tean posted a video on Facebook on Wednesday (May 11) afternoon, citing that the Law Society had withdrawn its charge against him after the complainant had failed to turn up at the tribunal.
“They did not make statement, but they officially withdrew the charge before the Disciplinary Tribunal. I was there and witnessed and heard it”, he said in a quote to TISG.
While there is no official statement by the Law Society on this, Lim said that Suresh Kumar, the man from whom Lim Tean is alleged to have misappropriated $30,000, did not appear in court. Lim also said that when the Disciplinary Tribunal was set up, Suresh kept “delaying it on the grounds of poor health, but finally, the disciplinary tribunal was convened today”.
Sometime in November 2019, Lim Tean was entrusted with a sum of $30,000, awarded to a former client as a settlement in respect of a motor injury civil suit. Because of the complainant’s failure to turn up, Lim said that the Law Society had withdrawn its charge of Criminal Breach of Trust (CBT) against him.
In his video, Lim alluded to there being political motivations for the charges against him. “Honestly, there was no basis for that (the disciplinary tribunal). But you know, as an opposition politician, I have to be prepared for that right, in Singapore?”
Lim said that the “prosecutorial authority” should have known “in their investigations how unreliable this witness (Suresh Kumar) is. But no, the intent is to make a spectacle, is to smear Lim Tean”, he said.
In 2020, Lim was arrested for alleged criminal breach of trust, days before he was set to defend a client in a defamation case against Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong. Police said Lim Tean, who leads the People’s Voice Party that unsuccessfully contested the last General Election, was also being investigated for stalking and had not complied with earlier notices to attend police interviews.
“The police had no choice but to arrest Mr Lim Tean in order to conduct the investigations,” police said in a statement then, adding that they rejected allegations by Lim that the arrest was politically motivated.
In a statement by Human Rights Lawyer M Ravi, he said: “I just saw the video by Tean Lim that the Law Society had withdrawn it’s charges today against him on the issue of client’s monies. Why is the police so anxious to charge him tomorrow when the law society was conducting its inquiry. Worst of all , his charges have been withdrawn by the Law Society today”.
Mr Ravi added that: “This also offends the principle of double jeopardy protected under Article 11 of the constitution. The case against Team is now irreversibly prejudiced. The police must withdraw the charge against him. The law society’s dismissal of charges against Lim Team today only amplifies his allegation of political persecution”.
Lim Tean is to be charged in court on 12 May 2022. /TISG
Letter to the Editor: Many countries removed all COVID restrictions, including face masks, high time S’pore does the same
Photo: freepik (for illustration purposes only)
Got a juicy story to share? Came across a gross injustice that needs to be heard? Want to have your opinion on current events made known? Email us your story with details and proof! Make your voice known! [email protected]
Dear Editor,
It has been more than two years since this demon virus invaded our lives. I never imagined two years of my life would be lost in limbo. I’m sick and tired of it, as I’m sure countless others are too.
The hot topic now is excess deaths: If one looks at the statistics, a strong case could be made that this spike happened at the time of the vaccine drive. Of course, more analysis needs to be done. But you can’t dismiss this possibility.
VIDEO: Boyfriend & girlfriend fighting in Park Kallang like it was during an earthquake frustrates netizens
Photo: FB screengrab/ Singapore Incidents
If you caption a video saying that it’s an argument between a boyfriend and his girlfriend, you better be prepared to show more than shoes. This was the response to a clip uploaded on the Singapore Incidents Facebook page on Monday night (May 9).
“there’s a fight between boyfriend and girlfriend in Park kallang last night,” reads the caption across the video. But from around the 10-second mark, only the legs and feet of the people in a rather shaky video can be seen.
Lim Tean to be charged with criminal breach of trust, unlawful stalking and being an unauthorised person who acted as an advocate or solicitor
Lim Tean will be charged in court on Thursday (May 12) with criminal breach of trust, unlawful stalking and being an unauthorised person who acted as an advocate or solicitor.
According to the Singapore Police Force (SPF) on Tuesday (May 10), “Sometime in November 2019, Lim Tean was entrusted with a sum of $30,000, awarded to a former client as settlement in respect of a motor injury civil suit. Lim Tean is alleged to have misappropriated the $30,000”.
Man says if he were the PM of S’pore, he would donate 90% of his salary, cut Ministers’ pay in half and reduce GST to 5%
A man by the name of Bruce took to TikTok to share the ten things he would do should he become the Prime Minister of Singapore. In his video, firstly, he said he would “give 90 per cent of my salary to help the poor. $300,000 minus $270,000, $30,000 I can live comfortably. A good life, and to send a clear signal that I am not in it for the money”.
‘Suddenly we seem to see many lawyers in trouble with the law’ — Netizens react to unauthorised lawyers & trainee lawyers cheating in exams
Photo: Taken from unsplash.com/Tingey Injury Law Firm/used for illustration purposes only
Netizens have commented on the spate of news reports concerning lawyers in Singapore lately, with one noting, “Suddenly we seem to see many lawyers in trouble with the law”.
Some of us may have a tendency to be passive-aggressive in our daily lives. Saying yes when we mean no can be a normal response for many people. Often this is something that is learnt from childhood as a coping mechanism to get our needs met, especially when dealing with domineering or volatile people whether it’s a parent or later on in life, a significant other.
A better way of handling things is to be assertive. An assertive person is neither passive nor aggressive but is able to communicate honestly and get their needs understood and met at the same time. It is a measure of authenticity as well. Assertive people have a good sense of self-worth and are able to have healthy parameters. Their communication style is effective, clear, and direct, with no hidden agenda.
The phrase assertive however has often mistakenly been thought of as aggressive, which isn’t the case at all. Unfortunately, in both schools and workplace situations compliance has been emphasized over direct expression or opinions and this is partly due to not understanding what is required in order to be assertive.
An assertive request should always be clear
In some cultures, particularly in Asia, it is seen as rude to make a request directly and people often end up not being able to say what they actually mean. But it’s important to form the habit of being polite and tactful, and yet being able to make a straightforward request in a non-roundabout way.
Collaborate
A confident person likes to collaborate and has no problem with teamwork. Being assertive is neither passive nor aggressive. If you’re passive and don’t clearly say what you mean, you end up being overly submissive, and if you’re aggressive with your views and don’t accept other people’s opinions, you come across as a bully and a domineering personality. Both are unacceptable and will never serve you well in the long run.
Being assertive is expressing yourself without being passive or aggressive, and gives you the best chance of getting your needs met.
Communicate effectively
This isn’t only about verbal communication, but your body language should also be open and friendly. Make sure you’re congruent in your words and tone. If something is on your mind, voice it out and if you have a request say it confidently. Smile or keep a neutral expression when possible, make eye contact and be clear.
Agree to disagree
Understand that not everyone will agree with you, in fact, many may disagree and that’s okay. Being assertive doesn’t mean only your opinion should work. Understand and accept other people’s points of view as well. Don’t let differences get you riled up. In fact, go the extra mile to see where the other person is coming from, and this will help you understand why they’re saying what they’re saying.
Listen patiently
Don’t interrupt when another person is speaking, listen patiently and hear them out until they’re done, no matter how obvious their point is. Make sure when you speak, you don’t make others feel small or wrong. Don’t go off tangent and be as concise as possible.
Say ‘I’ instead of ‘You’ and speak calmly
Pepper your sentences with an “I feel…” or “I think…” instead of “you never…” which often comes across as hostile or accusatory. It also helps people feel included instead of making them shut down.
People who speak passionately sometimes seem overly excitable or aggressive. Learn to express yourself calmly, and this also helps the person you’re addressing to feel relaxed. Calm speech begets composed people.
Have parameters
Make sure to set some boundaries on what you will or will not accept. Don’t be a doormat, but also don’t be a bully. A happy middle ground is what you need to strive for, and setting boundaries will allow you to know when to draw the line.
Assertiveness isn’t something that happens overnight, it takes experience and time. Remember, practice makes perfect.
The Ministry of Finance announced an additional buyer’s stamp duty (ABSD) of 35 per cent last Sunday, analysts say this will hurt the ultra-wealthy. The ABSD applies to any transfer of residential property into a living trust and takes effect for transfers beginning from May 9 (Monday).
MOF explained in a statement that “when a residential property is transferred into a living trust, Buyer’s Stamp Duty (BSD) is payable. ABSD may also be payable, depending on the profile of the beneficial owner(s) of the residential property transferred into the trust.”
It added, “ABSD aims to promote a stable and sustainable residential property market, and as such, it should apply to transfers of residential properties into all living trusts, irrespective of whether there are identifiable beneficial owners of the residential properties transferred into such trusts.”
In a Bloomberg report, it says that the new tax is perceived by analysts to be aimed at the ultra-rich who have bought houses under “opaque structures to avoid such levies” because it is intended to address a loophole where individuals purchase several homes under trusts that do not have a clear beneficial owner, say analysts from APAC Realty Ltd.’s ERA unit and Cushman & Wakefield Plc.
The loophole has so far allowed these purchases to be made without any other taxes.
Bloomberg quoted the head of research at ERA, Nicholas Mak, as saying, “The new rule is targeted at the wealthy.”
When Finance Minister Lawrence Wong announced the national budget for this year last February, he spoke about impending changes in taxes, which mainly would affect the wealthiest.
He said that from 2024 onward, personal income tax rates will be increased.
“The portion of chargeable income in excess of $500,000 up to $1 million will be taxed at 23%, while that in excess of $1 million will be taxed at 24%; both up from 22% today,” the Minister said, noting that the increase is expected to impact the top 1.2 per cent of personal income taxpayers and will add $170 million in additional taxes per year.
Property taxes, which Mr Wong mentioned are currently the principal means of taxing wealth, will also increase the 10 to 20 per cent to 12 to 36 per cent. As for owner-occupied residential properties, the current rate of 4 to 16 per cent will be raised to 6 to 32 per cent.
These increases, however, will be implemented in two steps beginning next year.
Luxury cars will also be taxed at a higher rate. /TISG
A woman is appealing for help in finding Layla, her Shetland Sheepdog, who was last seen at Block 201 Jalan Bukit Merah bus stop at 6:45 am on Tuesday, May 10.
Layla had just undergone surgery and was at a veterinarian’s office at Bukit Merah receiving after-surgery care when she went missing.
Posters appealing for help have been distributed all over Facebook, including the Lost and found pets in Singapore page and ROADS.sg.
Ms Kai Ling, Layla’s owner, is offering a S$2,000 reward to the person/s who can help her find her beloved pet.
The poster says that Layla is believed to be in any of the following areas: Lower Delta, Bukit Merah, Tiong Bahru, West Coast, River Valley, Alexandra, Kampong Bahru, Everton, or Tanjong Pagar.
Anyone who sees Layla is being asked to reach out via the phone numbers on the poster.
Ms Kai told mustsharenews that there had been a complication when Layla was operated on and that the dog is anxious and fearful, and does not tolerate a slip leash well.
“Prior to her escape, I have shared countless times that my dog, Layla, is scared and agreed to anti-anxiety pills,” she said, adding that the staff at the vet clinic had not gotten Layla’s leash and harness from her.
She continued by saying that without her being informed, Layla was said to have been brought out of the vet’s office on Tuesday morning.
“I never would have thought they would bring a dog in critical care for a walk,”mustshare news quotes her as saying.
Group chats on Telegram and Reddit have also been created so that anyone with information about Layla can easily reach out.
A woman who was already feeling stressed ordered breakfast at the McDonald’s Paya Lebar branch, only to receive a surprise. Instead of the sausage wrap and breakfast deluxe meal she ordered, she received a large plastic bag of cardboard containers for french fries.
And it would have been nice if these packages were full of delicious golden treats—as Ms Belicia, who goes by @illa_nocte on TikTok, would have likely greatly appreciated the stress-reliever.
But no—they were empty, as she showed in a TikTok, now gone viral, on May 9 (Monday).
The short clip shows hundreds of empty and unused french fry boxes.
Commenters guessed that the rider picked up the wrong package to deliver to Ms Belicia.
Fortunately, when she called McDonald’s, they responded immediately and sent over the correct order, so she could finally have her meal, she told mustsharenews.
She added that the delivery rider who came with her actual order was just as surprised as she was and had no idea how the mix-up occurred.
Illa Nocte is an online store that features crystal carvings, unique statement pieces and jewelry.
This is why a number of crystal-themed comments were made on the post, including those that joked about a McDonald’s-Illa Nocte collaboration.
Luckily, Ms Belicia wrote in one comment that she had woken up with “extra patience” that day and did not get upset with the mix-up.
She, along with other netizens, seemed to have some fun over the incident.
She even joked about the bargain she got, as she only paid S$22.60 and received hundreds of cartons.
Later, McDonald’s Singapore said they sent her a message.
In response to some commenters who begged for a “part 2,” Ms Belicia posted another TikTok of her returning the french fry cartons.
Facebook user Aristotle Motii Nandy highlighted a commuter who appeared to be Chinese in his post who moved away to another seat on an MRT train after he sat next to her. He said, “Blatant prejudice? I sat next to this person, and she shifted to another seat…”
In reply to one Facebook user who responded to his post, Aristotle explained, “I just don’t understand what the difference was in moving to another seat between two people … don’t mean to make an example out of her… Would like to understand the thinking behind the action..”
He added that he was, “just stunned… like why….??”
Two other Facebook users who appear to have Indian user handles responded to Aristotle by saying:
“you are not the first and won’t be the last to be experiencing it. It happens even to my mom, a 70-year-old aunty, on the public buses. I hope the growing and younger generations are more well informed…”
“It happened to my wife a couple of times too. Then we started to think why we should get affected by someone else’s petty intelligence and childish behavior. I don’t lose anything if you change a seat because of me, rather I get a place to keep my bag now. More comfy ride. We thank them now. ”
“This happens all the time. You just need to be magnanimous about it,” suggested one user. He appears to have a user handle with a Malay name.
When one user with a Chinese sounding user handle suggested that she moved to another seat because of Aristotle’s body odour, Aristotle shot back, “come on (X)…I was just about to sit down…when I entered the train…and the response was immediate.. before I had actually sat..”
In May last year, Ong Siow Heng, a professor of Communication Management Education at Singapore Management University, asked to call out on racism. In his op-ed in TODAY, the professor asked his readers to honour Singapore’s National Pledge by calling out racism, even the casual, thoughtless actions or speech, with little malice intended.
In his op-ed, he noted that “while some say talking about such issues creates more discord, relationship therapists tell us that respectful discourse about conflict is vital for growth and progress.”
One of the advantages that China brings to the table is its huge manpower resources. However, the Chinese have moved beyond utilising their vast pool of manpower to work cheaper than anyone else. China is investing in things like Artificial Intelligence (AI) and companies like the Shenzhen listed BeyondSoft is developing software to change the way we work.
Something similar with China — There’s the example of MarvelTec, which was founded as part of Deutsche Telekom by Mainland Chinese and subsequently spun off. Has there been a similar story by Singaporeans?
Sure, much of the innovative drive will still be focused around Silicon Valley. However, we cannot ignore the stuff coming out of China. A small, vulnerable nation like Singapore cannot afford to get involved in the “with us or against us” situation when it comes to technology suppliers. We also cannot afford to fall into the trap that people coming out of developed Asia are only hired because they are cheap.
When people talked about inferior Indian labour, I’ve always made the point that I can name at least two IIM graduates who have run multinationals (Ajay Banga of MasterCard and Indra Nooyi of PepsiCo) while I can’t name a Singaporean who has made it of a multinational.
This was an event that was aimed at European technology companies to be able to network in the Asian market and since it was an event organised by three European Chambers of Commerce, they saw to it that the cheese was excellent.
Being at a networking event was great fun. However, what made this event particularly interesting was the fact that the major theme of the event was sustainability. The main sponsor of the event is a hydroponic farm, and the major component in the goodie bags was salads from the hydroponic farm. The beverage sponsor (probably the key to the success of such events) is a company that makes beer and fruit-flavoured water out of bread and fruit peels.
Visit https://www.crust-group.com/sg to find out more
The second observation was the fact that there was a large contingent of Mainland Chinese and the two of the companies that didn’t happen to have a Mainland Chinese representative, were in fact from the People’s Republic and listed on Chinese Exchanges (China Telecom and Beyondsoft).
These two observations do provide an optimistic glimpse into the way the world is heading. The focus on sustainability and looking after the environment has become ever more important as countries around the world feel the effects of environmental degradation. Contrary to what the Tucker Carlson wing of the Republican Party may tell you, there are plenty of anecdotal examples of environmental degradation screwing up life for people.
Here, in South East Asia, or specifically Singapore, Malaysia, and Indonesia there’s the annual haze, which sends our lung ailments to the roof as the three countries get covered in a “smog-like haze” which is the result of burning tropical forest. Despite the obvious damage to people in three countries, nothing gets done because the palm oil industry is a major economic player.
Sure, we had a two-year break from the haze thanks to Covid and now that we’re celebrating the return of “normal,” we need to remember that the haze was part of “normal.”
Luckily, South East Asian governments have stopped framing ecological concern as a Western luxury (you either have a good environment or a growing economy) and to its credit, the Singapore government has pushed for the development of “Green tech” and sustainable solutions (which was one of the themes of ideasinc 2020, an annual start-up contest sponsored by NTUitive, part of Nanyang Technological University in Singapore).
So, it’s good to see “home-grown” companies like Crust Group and Singrass work on solutions to extend the life of food and to grow food in the most space, energy, and water efficient ways.
To find out more, go to – www.singrass.sg
The Chief Development Officer of Singrass admitted that the business is currently surviving on government money. Food grown on hydroponic farms cannot compete in price with the food we import from Malaysia, which is grown on traditional farms.
However, this is one case where it’s justified for governments to subsidise industries in as much as you are helping new technologies that will feed people without killing the environment and in turn killing people.
Doesn’t use much space – to find out more – www.singrass.sg
The second observation on the number of Chinese people at the function was also interesting, especially when you consider how the Chinese from the People’s Republic is viewed in Singapore and Hong Kong. If you talk to enough people in Singapore and Hong Kong, you’ll find that they think that they’ve got one up on the Chinese.
Let’s face it, Singapore and to a similar extent, Hong Kong, get held up as an example of everything a modern city state should be. The two Chinese majority city-states are rich trading nations that seem to get along with everyone. Unlike the larger People’s Republic, nobody thinks of them as geopolitical competition. People in Singapore and Hong Kong speak English, the international business language, and everyone thinks of them as being filled with relatively classy people – or at least not “vulgar” unlike today’s modern Mainland millionaires.
Unlike the other Asian giants, India, China has not produced CEOs of large Western multinationals. Hence, despite the progress made by the People’s Republic in the last half century, you’re bound to find a few Westerners who sniff at the economic gains that have been made as being based on cheap manufacturing, theft of intellectual property and bullying multinationals. Furthermore, China is bound to be thought of as the bogeyman that gave us Covid.
This is not to say that there isn’t any truth to these accusations. People who have rushed into China have been burnt, and even China’s homemade millionaires have faced problems dealing with China’s government. We also cannot deny that China is a regional bully in the South China Sea and does awful things to minorities like Tibetans and Uighurs.
Having said that, it would be wrong to write off China as merely a land of cheap manufacturing. Whilst China has not produced Silicon Valley CEOs in the way that India has, it has produced “Unicorns” in the technology sphere. The Chinese are producing firms in futuristic competitive stuff like “Artificial Intelligence.”
They are aware that geopolitical issues with the USA and Australia could be problematic, but their world view is not limited to what the Anglo-sphere dictates it should be. They realise that the UK is not the sum of Europe and have been happy to work with the likes of the Belgians and Germans.
The company that comes to mind as an example of this is MarvelTec Limited, which is offering connectivity solutions. The team behind this are Mainland Chinese, who worked for Deutsche Telekom (One of the Co-Founders being a former CEO of Deutsche Telekom‘s Asia-Pacific operation, and he had studied at the University of Cologne).
As with everything, I do understand that there are plenty of rough Chinamen in Singapore. I understand why the “China Girls” have a reputation for being “Gold Digging Whores.” However, you cannot ignore hungry people and if you don’t embrace and work with the smart and dynamic ones, you risk stagnating into a Colonial Slave Fantasy, which never really existed.
This is why a number of crystal-themed comments were made on the post, including those that joked about a McDonald’s-Illa Nocte collaboration.
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