“My parents say I’m a piece of trash because I contribute nothing financially” — 22yo pressured to quit her studies and become a dishwasher

SINGAPORE: A 22-year-old Singaporean woman took to social media on Sunday (Sept 29) to share how her parents relentlessly criticized and guilt-tripped her after she failed her O-levels in the past and couldn’t enrol in polytechnic.

“My parents had given up on my education completely. They say that they’ve taken care of me for the past xx years, and all that I am is a piece of trash in the household contributing nothing in monetary form,” she wrote on r/askSingapore, a Reddit forum.

“Every single day, I was reminded of my father, who told me that he is already 70 years old due to a late marriage and how long more he has,” she added.

In her post, she explained that her parents pressured her to finish her education and start working quickly so her father, the sole breadwinner, could retire.

To get her into the polytechnic, her parents even restricted her from interacting with anyone, ensuring she was home 24/7 to study, forcing her to cut ties with her friends, and scolding her for something as innocent as chatting with the neighbours.

“They feel that I should learn to live alone and only be happy once I graduate,” she said. However, all of their careful planning went out the window when she failed one of the crucial subjects needed for admission.

Since then, she mentioned that, along with their constant criticism, her parents have been comparing her to her friends, who have already graduated from their respective polytechnics or junior colleges and have begun their university education.

Working as a dishwasher

Feeling immense pressure from her parents’ harsh remarks, she eventually joined the workforce despite not having a diploma or degree. “I worked as a dishwasher in a hawker centre… most people would think that being a dishwasher is solely just washing dishes.

But the backaches, soaked fingers and toes despite wearing gloves, the smell of the sewage that gets stuck in your nostrils, the constant complaints and much much much more things that I can never forget,” she lamented.

While she still harboured the desire to continue her education, particularly in the field of scientific research, she admitted feeling discouraged as her parents frequently reminded her that it would be humiliating to graduate so late in life, especially at 30.

“They constantly asked me to think about how everyone would’ve settled down with a family and a house by the time I graduate and that I would be too old to have a child past 30 as my fertility would’ve declined drastically,” she said.

At the end of her post, she wrote, “The guilt that I carry because of my parents makes me feel that I owe them something for being born and that I can only start to live once they pass away. Because then, I wouldn’t need to feel trapped in the life that they want me to have.”

“Everyone matures and progresses at a different pace.”

In the comments section, numerous Singaporean Redditors pointed out that success doesn’t follow a strict timeline and that everyone’s journey unfolds differently. They also reassured her that at 22, she still had ample time to figure things out.

One Redditor said, “22 is still very young. Many people make detours in life/career even in their 30s and 40s, including those who did well academically when they were young.”

Another commented, “Don’t lose hope. I’m 22M and failed O’s as well. One thing I learnt is that nothing in life is easy. And that it’s also never too late to start improving, even from scratch. I am retaking O’s for the third time next year while working at a warehouse.

So what if I enter Poly late at 24 while others enter at 17/19? Comparison is the thief of joy. Everyone matures and progresses at a different pace.”

A third Redditor stated, “About graduating at 30, I’ll say this: you’ll be 30 anyways. Why not be 30 and with a degree under your belt? Even if you don’t go all the way with it, you’ll be 30, with a diploma, or 30, and passed all your O levels.”

Meanwhile, others criticized her parents for constantly tearing her confidence down. One Redditor wrote, “I feel bad for you and your circumstances. Toxic and unsupportive parents are the worst.”

Another stated, “I’m so sorry this is happening to you. There is no milestone for anything. Only your parents are setting these milestones. Is there a law that says, ‘You MUST finish uni by 24 or else you’re useless’? Absolutely not.”

Read also: “Would you quit if your boss yells at you in a meeting?” — Employee asks after getting yelled at, says, “It’s the worst company I’ve worked in”

Featured image by Depositphotos (for illustration purposes only)