SINGAPORE: Is it wrong to want a partner because you are lonely? A man from Singapore recently asked this question on Reddit, sparking a lively discussion on the motivations behind pursuing romantic relationships.
In his post, the man openly admitted that he had been considering using dating apps to find a partner. However, he started second-guessing himself, wondering if getting into a relationship would alleviate or reduce his feelings of loneliness.
“It’s not that I don’t have people around me, I am fortunate to be close to my family and friends, but for some reason I still feel inexplicably lonely….” the man explained.
“I feel that it’s so lame that I even feel lonely LOL. Also, isn’t it so selfish to find a partner just so I would stop feeling lonely?”
“Having a partner is not going to solve that for you. Your partner is not your saviour.”
Many Singaporean Redditors weighed in on this topic, acknowledging that while there’s nothing inherently wrong with wanting a relationship to combat loneliness, it might not be the smartest move.
Their advice was straightforward: don’t jump into a relationship just to fill a void. They stressed that seeking companionship or dating without a genuine connection won’t truly resolve feelings of loneliness.
They warned that being with the wrong person could intensify those feelings.
They also pointed out that expecting a partner to “complete him” isn’t fair to their partner or healthy for him. Relying on someone else to fill a void can create unrealistic expectations and strain the relationship.
One Redditor stated, “That you have such a social network but still feel lonely means the problem lies within you. Having a partner is not going to solve that for you. Your partner is not your saviour.”
In light of this, a few added that, instead of looking for a partner, he should ‘work on himself, get busy, pursue the things he’s interested in, make new connections or travel abroad.’
According to them, doing such things will allow him to reaffirm his identity, increase his self-esteem, and feel less lonely.
One Redditor also asked, “Take some time to reconnect with yourself to build self-awareness. What do you like? What are your passions? What is your identity outside your day job? What are your values?”
“Put yourself out there; you might find the best thing to ever happen to you.”
Still, a few Redditors went against the grain and encouraged the man to pursue a relationship.
One Redditor shared, “I’ve lived in Singapore for 14 years. I found my wife and partner of 10 years through Tinder. She passed away recently and I’m lonely also.
Stop complaining about it being “lame” and put yourself out there; you might find the best thing to ever happen to you.”
Another commented, “There’s nothing wrong with seeking intimate companionship. Don’t be guilty of having that thought, it’s part of human nature to connect deeply.”
What experts say
According to Thriveworks, a therapy platform focused on mental healthcare, many people out there feel the same way as the man in the post. Experts, however, argue that we don’t necessarily need a romantic partner to feel happy and complete.
Therapists often advise against seeking a relationship solely to alleviate feelings of loneliness.
Instead, they recommend engaging in activities that bring joy and fulfilment, such as travelling, volunteering, pursuing further education, or enjoying simple pleasures like reading or watching TV shows.
Dominiquye Tally, a mental health therapist, said:
“Engage in activities you know you find enjoyable or rewarding, even if you don’t feel like doing those things at the moment.”
You can also try to strengthen relationships with your family and friends or create a bucket list of things you want to do.
A bucket list motivates you to push yourself outside your comfort zone and gives you something to look forward to. Compiling the list is also an excellent way to set personal goals and make the most of your life.
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