SINGAPORE: It never occurred to a Singaporean woman that the chrysanthemum arrangement she chose for her friend’s birthday would cause such a stir. Unaware of the flower’s traditional associations with grieving, she sought guidance on social internet. What should be done about this confusion?
Posting on the r/askSingapore forum, she shared that she had wanted to surprise her friend with a nice bouquet and picked out what she thought were pretty, rainbow-dyed flowers from Cold Storage. Since the flowers were simply labelled as “flowers” without any mention of their type, she had no idea they were white chrysanthemums that had been artificially coloured.
“When I gave it to them, they gave me the weirdest, most shocked look because the flowers were chrysanthemums. I had no idea and just thought the flowers looked nice,” she wrote.
“They then asked me, ‘Do you know what chrysanthemums symbolise? In Singaporean Chinese culture, they mean death and mourning.’ That was when I got the sense that I just made the biggest faux pas in terms of gift choices, especially since it was meant to be a gift for their birthday,” she added.
The woman said she had already apologised to her friend for the mix-up but was unsure what to do with the flowers. “I feel terrible… [Should I] throw the flowers away? How would I even discard these flowers with the symbolism attached to them?” she asked.
She also questioned whether the mistake was that bad. “I went to check online, and chrysanthemums can also mean positive things. And this one is rainbow coloured—is it still considered as mourning and death?”
“Flowers only symbolise anything because humans put meaning to it…”
In the comments section, many Singaporeans suggested that the woman apologise again and clarify to her friend that it was an honest mistake. One individual shared, “Just apologise and say you didn’t know about the superstition. It’s the thought that counts in the end.”
“I once gave a friend a watch I knew they wanted badly and got the same strange look. Apparently, giving someone a clock means ‘sending them to their deaths.’ He accepted it anyway, and we just laughed it off.”
Another commented, “Since you already apologised, I guess you can consider gifting your friend a different [one]. As for the flowers, if you don’t mind displaying them in your own home, then feel free to do so. In my opinion, you can just discard them, but I’m not super particular about them.”
Others, however, criticised the woman’s friend for reacting so strongly, saying that it was unnecessary to make her feel bad over an innocent mistake. Some felt that the friend could have just accepted the flowers graciously instead of making a big deal out of it.
One individual wrote, “If your friend can’t get past the cultural inference, you should probably get a new friend. We aren’t living in the Qing Dynasty.”
Another added, “You had good intentions, and this guy is your friend. A good friend should appreciate or otherwise laugh it off. Flowers only symbolise anything because humans put meaning to it.”
What do chrysanthemums mean?
According to Faxiflora, an Italy-based flower delivery company, chrysanthemums originally came from China and eventually became associated with death and mourning. This connection developed because they typically bloom between October and November, coinciding with the time of year when many cultures honour the deceased.
Due to their beauty and abundance during this period, they became a common choice for funerals, gravesites, and memorial services. Over time, this practice reinforced their symbolism, making them widely recognised as flowers linked to mourning and remembrance.
However, chrysanthemums don’t always carry a sombre meaning. In Australia, they are the official flower for Mother’s Day due to their nickname, “mums.” In Buddhism, they are often used as offerings because of their strong Yang energy. Meanwhile, during the 19th century, Victorians viewed chrysanthemums as a symbol of friendship and well-wishes.
Even the greatest of intentions can occasionally result in unanticipated outcomes. In your opinion, how would you respond to such a situation?
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Featured image by freepik (for illustration purposes only)