SINGAPORE: An FTWM (full-time working mum) of two young children took to an online forum on Tuesday (April 2) to vent about how burnt out she feels juggling the demands of her job with being a good mother to her children.
“I feel like it is impossible to cope with a very demanding (job) (but it pays pretty well), the two kiddos and everything else,” the mother wrote.
“I have very good support from my parents which is why my husband feels that there is no need for a helper. He is strongly against a helper and has been making up (by) picking up some of the chores like laundry for the past weeks.”
She also gave readers a look into her life as a working mom, saying:
“My work has been very intense and stressful so most of my day is spent at work, and after the kids sleep, I’ll have to continue with work.
I put the kids to bed and over the weekends, I’m fully with my kids. But every Monday is super horrible because I’m so physically tired.
I feel beyond exhausted every day, and many times wish that life could stop. Any other full-time working parent feeling the same way? You love your family but it’s just so tiring.”
Working parents face exhaustion
According to an article by The New York Times, while all parents can feel burnt out on occasion, working parents are more at risk of feeling exhausted. Parental burnout, which is work-related, is categorised by psychologists as a subtype of burnout.
Furthermore, the World Health Organisation recognises it as a syndrome and describes it as an “occupational phenomenon.”
Some ways working parents can cope with parental burnout are by acknowledging their feelings, seeking support, and practising self-compassion and mindfulness.
Singaporean parents weigh inÂ
In response to the post, many online users encouraged the exhausted mother to get part-time help to ease her load. Others reminded her how important it is to practise self-care, especially as a parent.
“If you are making good money, which it sounds like you are, get part-time help twice a week,” said one.
“You are buying back your time. Automate everything else in your house (dishwasher, dryer, robot vacuum — not so sure about this as I’ve pets but maybe it will work for you). Don’t forget to cut out time for yourself, you sound very burnt out.
It feels selfish or counterintuitive, but if you’re unhappy the children can feel it too.”
Others encouraged her to communicate with her husband so they could work together to find a solution.
“You need time for yourself also, away from your kids,” said another.
“Spending the weekend caring and just being with them is NOT rest. You’re burnt out. What are his objections to having a helper? Is it purely monetary? There are many ways around it – having part-time help/budgeting etc.
“It sounds like the main issue is that your husband isn’t listening to what you’re trying to tell him. Wishing it would just stop/pause is a warning sign- you need to prioritise your own mental health too.
How can you give to your family when your own cup is empty? Please communicate this with your husband somehow, through couples counselling or even just sitting down to talk seriously about it.”
“FTWM here with two kids under four,” said a third.
“My work can be intense at times but I don’t feel burnt out because I have good support from my in-laws and a live-in helper to manage the laundry, pick up toys, wash the dishes, take out the trash, wash milk bottles, handle my baby so I can have a break. Get at least a part-time helper – your quality of life will jump exponentially.”