SINGAPORE: A late 20s NUS graduate who just received his degree shared on social media that his father wanted him to take over his car loan payments, which he had 0% ownership of, costing $3,200 a month.
“I told him to sell, but he refuses, as he wants to portray he has the “ability” in front of his friends,” the man wrote on the NUSWhispers Facebook page. “When I didn’t nod my head to lend him money, he told his friends his child is so calculative now need help also don’t want to help him out.”
He also shared that his relationship with his father had long been on the rocks. He said that his father never once paid for his ‘university fees’ and would always borrow the money he saved from his part-time jobs.
“I paid on my own. Those money loan from me were never returned as he promised he would. I lost trust towards him since then,” he said.
He added that although he is grateful to his father for raising him and understands the importance of “filial piety,” he struggles to make ends meet on his current salary and has little saved up.
“I’m pretty torn apart mentally. I’d love to help if I have tons of millions of dollars but I have my own future marriage, home, and own liabilities as well. Could any kind soul please advise me on this? Thank you,” he wrote at the end.
Online users: “Learn to say NO to your father.”
Upon learning of his father’s absurd request, social media users offered him sound advice in the comments section, mainly stating that he shouldn’t concede to his father this time.
One user said, “The fact that you feel torn shows you still have a conscience and wants to be filial. Good for you! If you take others’ advice to cut ties with him now, you may regret in future and have to live with the guilt. You should NOT have to feel obliged to pay for his car mortgage (car loan) at all. That is a want, not a need. Just like parents have to learn to say NO to their children, you need to learn to say NO to your father.”
In an attempt to reason with him, a different user revealed that toxic and abusive parents exploit the concept of “filial piety” to control their kids. The user also stated that this shouldn’t be the case and that parents shouldn’t feel free to demand or ask anything of their kids.
The user added, “Don’t let him take you for granted and take advantage of you. Especially for something as materialistic as a car and for a ridiculous reason of wanting to “save face” in front of his friends. Cannot afford means cannot afford. When he dies, his friends aren’t going to be buried with him. So don’t let him guilt you into doing nonsensical things for him.”
Meanwhile, another user also gave him simple advice, writing: “Stay strong and put yourself first👌🏻”
Filial piety is the act of showing love and respect to one’s parents. However, this tradition has taken on a different meaning for many children over the years, with some deeming it a “burden” and a “toxic tradition.”
Just this month, a young Singaporean even questioned this tradition and asked his fellow compatriots if it’s really necessary for children to pay for their parents’ monthly expenses in this day and age.
“Looks like we are bred to be part of their retirement plan,” the young Singaporean said.
Read related: “We are bred to be their retirement plan” — Man says it’s unfair for children to pay for parent’s cost of living